You gotta man

Things as always are nonstop, I keep moving like a wheel going somewhere undetermined which is fine with me. Id rather not plan out the far future anyways.

So Norway in 14 days...holy fuck I cant believe it! and im still broker then fuck I need to book a million shoots after schools done so I can buy retarded useless shit in another country! haha.

Last Friday Robot Rock


Jason Hate You and Me


Amalia my lurve


Then Wednesday night I went to HV where Ama totally Grim handed my nose haha


Tonight I may or may not be hanging out with Raquel and her boo Jimi I gotta see what the deal is with that.

All last night I stayed up writing one of the best papers Ive written for school in a long time. It was for world World Civ and was 7 pages. It was how Albert Camus writing for Combat (the Frence resistance paper during WWII) Not only affected his work their after but helped him to establish his ideals on existentialism that made him such an innovative author. I know what youre thinking.. WHAT. But hey when youre an expert on a subject writing papers on it is cake, and who doesnt love cake?

Things in life have been pretty okay, school is just stressin me and money and Regis not having a phone or the internet right now makes me sad but at the same time how can I be mad at things out of his control? I just get bummed sometimes because I just want a dude who I can talk to when I wanna talk...haha.

A realisation

So Im going to fucking NORWAY in 18 days, what the fuck am I doing spending 200 dollars to go to freaking Iowa?

After talking to Rich on the phone earlier today about the whole fucked situation and how Cate refuses to let me in her car for what to me and to all 35 people Ive talked about it with the worst reason ever. I just dont care anymore. I got to see MLIW's last NJ show and thats enough for me, besides Jeff is a narcissist and their will be a reunion Im sure in about 3 years...maybe the Suicide File will play it? haha..

But the American dollar is about 40% the Euro which is not alot, thats less then fucking half! I only have about 500 dollars saved for this trip right now because paper is fucking costly and schools been kicking my ass so my modeling has suffered alot, and being sick having to cancel shoots doesnt help either. So over there ill have 250 euro, which is bullshit, I can get a diet cola and a bag of doritos to last me for 2 weeks haha.

I also have several homework assignments that if I wanted to stay up till 6am tonight doing I need to get done.

So even though I did get a car, and did find a ride today and had the whole situation figured out I just cant aford to do that shit right now. It sucks because I know the show will be retarded fun, but whatever Id rather up the punks in FUCKING Norway then Iowa!

Right now Im at work, in my little booth in the woodshop
BLOW TORCHHHH!!!


haha. So now insted of just eating pizza this week I can buy the paper I need to do the rest of my silk screening homework, Hooray!

Also Ive been going through the various emails Ive gotten for potential new roommates this one is by far the fucking best ever, I almost peed my pants laughing..

Subject: RENT!

Dear three girls:
Elyn and me are both pratt students, female, 24, our major is Interior Design.
One of us is Taiwanese and the other is Chinese.
We like your department and want to share that room together.
Do you mind of that?
We can rent during June and plan to stay for 2 years.
Sincerely,
Jiang Xi

Endless

So things have been okay lately. As always the drunken rampage has yet to end but I have been getting better from being sick..It might be because of the vodka I drank friday night (which NEVER happends).

Since Ive gotten home from the Philly Tattoo Convention this weekend Ive been super busy working super hard on new designs and paintings for this summer and the end of the semester. I hope I can keep the drive going and bust out all my work and finish this semester without shooting myself in the face.

This weekend is the MLIW show in Iowa, which Im basically fucked for a ride for though I have a ticket...Im still trying to work it out and find a way to get there and its not looking good. I wish things would just work out with me going with Cate, Rich and Jake but it doesnt seem like its going to happen which is really really sucky seeing as how I was at MLIWs first NJ show ever and have a fucking tattoo of the damn band and love their music. Hopefully Kathy will pull through for me and it will be awesome. I havent seen or spoken to her in about a year and she messaged me saying that she wants to try and go to the show and got a ticket so hopefully we can do that because it would be AWESOME to see her and hang out on a forever car ride together and catch up. I just dont want to have to fly out there because it costs 200 more then driving and I need all the money I can pillage for viking helmets in Norway.

So much to do....so much to do...

Time Machine

So last sunday was the last MLIW NYC show at the Knitting Factory it was pretty epicly awesome. The show went so fast and ended so early it was so strange. The night before I saw the Death Traitors kids silk screening in the Pratt studio and seeing the finished product at the show was pretty fucking awesome. The boys gave me a poster for free which I was stoked about. MLIW played a pretty awesome set, they seemed more tired then usual I was expecting something alittle more...punk I guess you could say, the croud seemed eh..not as much as Id of expected. It was cool though I also got to meet my friend Thorn's girlfriend from Maryland, who Throns says Im now not aloud to hang out with because were trouble haha. After the show we headed back to Kevins house and I got really drunk, it was pretty great.

Monday was the NJ show me and Rich headed there together where we got outrageously lost as fucking retarded. I made posters to sell and sold all but 10 of them and out of 54 thats not bad at all( seeing as how their were 2 other silk screen posters being sold). The show was AWESOME the KOC the show was at was so mint their was no stage and it was just fucking rage everywhere I loved it.

Rich and I...the epic of lostness (trying to find the show)


Posters I silk screened, Rats and Nuns, get into it


My disfunctional little NJ unit of love trust

The Asylum

So aparently I live in a crazy house, filled with crazy people doing insane things that lack common sense and rationality. A world where the world isnt real and everything is made of some squishy fabric Ive yet to determine.

Yes, obviously this is the place where I live.

As if matters couldnt get any worse within the past week, my father trying to kill my mother, my questionable relationship, school being EPIC FAIL, now I have to deal with this shit.

Im sure youre wondering, what the fuck are you talking about...eh? Well I myself still cant find the proper words to describe the situation but I guess I will try. So last night at a party my roommate ATTACKED one of my dear friends infront of a house full of people and was screaming about all this nonsense. Someone literally had to PULL her off of my friend and threw her across the room. Im so embarassed and ashamed that this is suposed to be my best friend, my ROOMMATE. Seriously I wish I had a normal life..where shit like this didnt happen. I think she was coked up, I hope thats her reason so I can call her a drug addict, even though she never does drugs.

Oh did I mention I have pnuemonia again? Yes so Im sick as hell..but last night I sat infront of the front door till 6am waitin for her to come home so I could rip her face off. This is what I have to deal with when Im sick, tired, battered and bruised from my friends..nonsense.

I had a make up apointment for a girl yesterday and had to cancel it because I was so sick, and today I had a photo shoot with Keith for Yo Gretchen clothing and had to cancel that too because Im dying. Which really sucks because Id like to have had that money for Norway...or more booze.

The last week Ive been on a drunken rampage and staying out till 4-6am everynight and as a result im dying sick now. Ive spent most of the money I made from selling those Modern Life is War hand silk screen posters on booze. But what Id really like is some bubble tea. mmm.. Ive been rolling with the usual crew which is nice, I enjoy Mikey and Stevens company, I only wish Jyan was out more with us insted of watching Freakazoid all the time haha.



I want this Tarina Tarintino necklace, but in black of course.



Ive also been super lurking this AMAZING artist on the myspace named C.C. And decided that for my thigh piece Id like to start next year I want to get this tattooed on me and get "My love is blind" written across it . I think its the fucking sickest painting ever. He also has prints made up of it as well theirs 250 all together and their 100 dollars each because their on this crazy German paper... Im totally thinking of getting one!


I just dont understand why things have to be so insane all the time..I wish my life was like a lazy river.

More pictures from earlier this week soon

Thats the spirit

Last night I did something I normally dont do very often. Hell something I never do. I decided insted of staying home and hiding by myself until the worst has blown over to go out to High Voltage to see some friends and get really really, REALLY drunk. I took the trains and did that whole thing and it was spitting outside, I hate when its like half ass rain. I didnt head to the club right away insted I just wandered around the LES until finally I was starting to get so soaking wet I went and found The Annex. I got there and no one was there yet so I just sat alone and drank it was nice. All these dudes kept stairing at me and I was just laughing outloud at them because it was just hilarious to me.

Then like a wave out of no where Kate walks in, then Kelsey, Jason, Ama, Steve, Mike.. the whole little rat pack. And then to my greatest suprise Nick was there! who is my favorite gay in the world because hes just outrageous. We sat in this little VIP nook thing that we always manage to take over and just drank...drink, after drink, after drink. Until finally was so trashed I was just bumbling around. While I was there Steve and Mike introduced me to Lindsey and her boyfriend Michael from Vancouver.



Mike does all this insane weird cartoon graphic art stuff and its pretty bad ass. If you look at the picture you can see Lindsey in there too! Me and Mike decided that were going to do a collaboration together. Make sure to go check out some more of his stuff at his blogger at www.michaelshantz.blogspot.com

Today I woke up feeling awful, my belly and head were just a mess so I didnt go to my Observational study which Im totally going to get fucked for, but right now I really dont care.

I have been really struggling with my heart right now..I just miss him so much.

Summers Revenge

I used to have dreams. I still do, I just want a normal life where things dont have to be epic and outrageous. The past 72 hours have been blowing my mind with nonstop small explosions in my brain. It hurts so bad that I know the world around me is crashin everything and everyones falling apart. But in this day and age everyone thinks theyre something theyre not and everyones opinion of others is fucked by other peoples ideals and views and the cycle just goes and goes..no one knows how theyre precieved or who they even are though all the mirrors on mirrors.

This by the way has nothing to do with modeling or dudes or any of that stuff.. its about family, my disfunctional little unit of the monster who has a constant meeting with a bottle, the seasonal mess and a sister caught in the middle.

Today I just sat, I sat on Jaci's couch in New Brunswick NJ for the whole day from 10 this morning until 6 pm when I left to come back to the city. I sat there and just thought about my life..and how I wish I could just live on that couch forever. I felt so sick so disgusted with how fucked my life is I wanted to throw up, and before I actually did I left. I just want someone to care about at the end of the day. Im sick of my reputation but I cant help it that everyone in my life leaves, and that everyone that says is there for the wrong reasons, boys Ive loved, girlfriends who have betrayed my trust which they will never regain, guy friends who have just wanted in the end to try and fuck me, girls who just want free shit. The only person I can depend on for every emotional need you have to get from another person I have to give myself it seems. Just put me in a box and send me into the sea already. Because I cant live this life anymore.

Today is the 5 year anniversary of my two front teeth getting knocked out in lacrosse, it happend this very evening my Jr year of highschool. Ive had gold front crowns ever since. So I guess it really goes to show Ive worn this fake smile for a long time now..

I got your letter

So my mom wrote me this email today..haha just so that you understand who raised me and why Im insane, Im sure this will clear a lot up haha..

"Hi monkey I hope you are praticing safety and safe sex aids is on the rise in your age group, I no you are shaking your head and think I'am crazy but I can live with that, I just can't live without you, anyway one more month and you will be speaking with a accent, I found a braclet you should give your sister for graduation. its sooooooo her. Did you get my message you are overdrafted stop it now or else. Call me I want to yell at you see you soon my pet!

love your loving caring thoughtful pretty
mom ;]"

Hahah so yeah, my favorite part is the "Call me I want to yell at you" haha.

This week things have been fucking insane. I finally got done tonight with the posters for the MLIW show in Netkong on monday FEWF! Glad thats over! It was awesome some chick when I was done told me she was going to the show and asked if she could buy one right now haha awesome?! So I know they will sell and I know my life will rule HOORAY PAYING THE RENT!

Last night was Colleens birthday dinner/dancing outting. We went to this place Lil' Frankies to eat and apparently they ran out of chairs and the manager for the evening kept screaming on his phone that it was the worst day of his life hahaha of course Im the only one who saw this all happening with my good luck. After getting trashed on red wine at dinner we went to this rockabilly bar for a bit and then me and Amalia headed over to the Trash party Steven and Mike were hosting. We get there and Im bombarded by people who I havent seen in forever which was really nice. Got filmed talking and making terrible faces for some video and then was met by suprise that while I was waiting for the bathroom some dude recognized me and was like "Are you Scarlett O'Dancer!" hhaha I was like...uh.... and ran away hahaha.

Later I got SOO DRUNK that I couldnt go home by myself so I ended up crashing at Jyans and Stevens watching episodes of Freakazoide all night long till 6:30 am haha.

Tonight Rich and Jake are coming up for a secret show. I also plan on getting drunk again tonight

Tomorrow is the Knitting Factory last MLIW show which I shall also get drunk at

The mondays the NJ show and guess what!? gettin drunk hahaha.

I love booze. Pictures soon

Pissed off.

So lately ive been in a kind of existential crisis. I dont understand how at art schools, like Pratt they can expect you to try and maintain an A average but at the same time want you to produce large quanities of art? So kids rush through projects to meet deadlines, rush through papers and in the end feel exhaused and unfufilled. Thats how I feel, unfufilled, its in the same category of the feeling of having sex that lasts about a minute, haha. Youre just kinda like ah...bother... So I pay 40,000 dollars a year to get fucked for a minute. I can see why so many kids here are insane, theirs no way to balance school and your creative outlet at once. I thought that was the point of art school to be able to do art and get good grades for it.. not have all these useless projects with little to no relation to who I am as a person or artist, things that take me back insted of going foward.

Also where the fuck does all the money go!? Not into paying the teachers, or the facilities I can tell you that much, no it goes into buying sculptures for the lawn and to feed the cats. My question is why dont they put up the art by the students, youd think like, we go to a FUCKING ART SCHOOL DUHH. I think that would save money? right? Insted of paying 30,000 Dollars to install bird houses done by some uppity art snob infront of the studios that make crazy loud obnoxious bird noises. Seriously am I insane?

Today I took the girls out of their cage and was leting them hang out with me while I did the final touches to the screens for the MLIW last NJ show posters. I honestly think its one of the best designs ever, and I really think that Im starting to define my own personal style when it comes to cartoon esq. images like the ones I draw. Ill keep running with the rat theme for a while, throwing them into random things I do. I think Im going to start doing some paintings of my cats AND my rats together haha. I also have several ideas for brand new wall reliefs that I can mass produce and sell. Life is all about mass production my friends.. I just want to make a dime in this damn world so I can pay back the quick fuck tuition I pay.

yeah..I got a rat tail..haha


Rough design for MLIW last show 5 color silk screen


7 color silk screen virgin rat poster