Disasters and more

Come knock on our door

2009-01-03T22:49:00.000-08:00

Things have been amazing lately. I can honestly say that with a smile on my face.

Break started on December 19th. It was a much needed release from all the madness of the times. I got really drunk in my apartment with some close friends and a few new ones.

It wasnt till a few days later that the out come of some events really hit me. I realized me and Geoff were broken up, that I was about to have my first divorced family christmas and that I was finally doing some really selfish things, but in a good way.

I went to see the bouncing souls show with Kimmy and Danielle on Friday after christmas. It was pretty epic. I managed to get in for free and had a pass so I drank for free all night. Kate makes the best vegan cookies so I was freaking out. Later some kid came up to me and made me feel like such an old head it was retarded. Telling me that back in the day he was afraid of me and now Im a big model and everything and its sad I dont dance at shows anymore, he tried to drag me on the floor haha...Finally I caved and danced a little bit, it felt good. I miss those days, but my reasons for standing on the sides are my own.

Later we went to the lanes and met up with Jrok and Tim Churchman. We drank I got in a bit of a fight...then the lanes closed and we decided it was a good idea to go to Nick Bocks house haha. We got there and Danielle climbed on the roof to tap on his window with a stick to wake him up to let us in. He was passed out so it wasnt going to happen, then we went to TIms and watched I love Lucy all night till I passed out cuddling Danielle, because were inlove.

The next day I went to Philly with my sister and met up with Dylan. It was awesome hanging out in the city and just running around. We went to the bar that Blur works at and met up with her and Dave. Then we all headed over to El Cantina and ate vegan tacos and killed a pitcher of margaritas. Then we all went to Blurs where we met her outrageously cute puppy!!

The next day we went with MK to Honeys for food which was fucking amazing. Then we all headed back to NYC. Then me and Dylan went to the bouncing souls show again. Kate managed to give me her back stage pass so I could get in, which was so sweet of her! We also met up with Kimmy and it was fuckin awesome, I was bummed they played the same set as Friday but whatever the souls are amazing anyway.

Later that night in my drunkenness I was kid napped and woke up in PA. It was pretty insane seeing woods and snow and shit. I met Dylans parents and just hung out. Later he brought me back to NYC and I havent really left my apartment since. Ive been painting, and making some killer designs. Tomorrow my sister comes back and Im going to borrow her camera and take some photos of the stuff Ive been working on.

Ive been really bipolar lately, but more happy then anything else. I go back and forth to this dark place in my head where I wonder sometimes what Im doing. But Im just so outrageously happy at the same times I cant even think about problems I should be thinking about. I just dont care anymore. But I know right now things are perfect, and Ive never been this happy before in my life.

I started off the new year Vegan, yeah I know its crazy but Im doing it. So far so good and Im really happy that I have friends who support the change instead of give me shit for trying to "limit" myself. I just think that the raping of animals is cruel and needs to stop. After being Vegetarian for 12 years it just makes sense to go the next step.

Me Dylan and Anthony have been hanging out basically everyday all week. Its been fucking AWESOME. We had mexican night tonight and and made way to much food...thus we have decreed it will be mexican week now haha.

Bread

2008-12-15T21:02:00.000-08:00

Life is fucking hard as balls right now...Im going through so much shit...seriously just dragging through the mudd..ugh.

Ive been in work production over load lately, Photos soon so many new prints its retarded.

I just feel like no one understands me except people who are at this school. All my friends know what its like, artschool isnt some like bullshit where you just write papers and have to read like "normal" college. I have to create concepts for paintings, execute those paintings and then write a 2 page artist statement about them, then I have to do a 6 color silk screen print, which takes about 5 hours IF you do it right. And on top of that more and more homework of the same kinda principle shit is time consuming. Im starting to realize more and more I want so badly to be in a relationship where Im happy and carefree...but you cant be carefree when you care about someone else. I cant be a student and a girlfriend at the same time it seems..or a good girlfriend at that.. Ive just lost my mind. I love Geoff so much but I cant seem to work on school and give him everything he needs at the same time...and I dont want to drag him around while Im trying to work on sculptures and prints...its not fair..I cant even go see him anymore until breaks from school and thats just so fucked up...ugh this is just so hard for me...I wish he understood. I wish someone did.

Friday were having a done with school party...Ive been working my ass off for the past 2 weeks I even missed my moms 50th birthday party bc I was doing school work til 7am..Thus intense drunkness is in order indeed..I need to loosen up. I miss my friends..

Im ready

2008-11-29T16:34:00.000-08:00

"I love you, I love you so much. Remember everything I taught you, everything I showed you. You'll be fine without me, take care of your mom and remember I love you." My grandmother said this as she held my hand and died. I was 8 years old.

My mom always felt as if in that moment their was some kind of transference, from one body to another. I started to talk like my grandmother, act like my grandmother and eventually would grow up to look just like her. My aunts and my mom sometimes get tears in their eyes when they look at me, because I remind them so much of her.

Though I feel as if I have let down her spirit in some way. My mother is suffering delving deep into a depression and state of mind no one can save her from, not even herself. My father is a murderer, and finally is getting what he deserves, and it may cost my mother her sanity or her life. I cant really tell yet.

I will however sit here, and watch it all pass idly by.

Geoff is taking me away as my christmas present. Either Peru, Costa Rica, or somewhere in Mexico. It should be interesting, a vampire like myself out in the sun haha.

My moth by Jenna Mumfford

I got tattooed by Eli last week and my rib cage is pretty much fully covered now.

I gave him this lil guy as a present. Its the boyfriend to my Fox girl hehe

Ive been working ALOT on school lately, so much so I have no friends..and the ones I do have secretly hate me because they never see me and attempt to be somewhat understanding of my demanding schedule. I feel like a dying fish, I havent had a whiskey drink in weeks and Im starting to loose my mind.

I also had my group Relief show last week, it was a huge success you can see my lil rat dude chillin in the photo..

If assholes could fly this place would be busier then O'Hare

2008-11-17T19:57:00.000-08:00

So this weekend was the Chicago tattoo convention. It was so much fun! A lot of random things happened like seeing my old room mate Amber working one of the booths with her husband! CRAZY!! shes going great and looks awesome as a blonde...woah! I also hung out with Frank and all those little Ohio type bastards who I had met at the Jynx Proof shop opening party. I also made friends with this girl Megan who is from Texas and is amazing!! Megan and I walked around the convention most of the time together just talking and making fun of people, it was pretty rad haha. The people we also shared our booth space were AMAZING! Contee and all the other dudes were fantastic!

I help Geoff with a few things while he was tattooing poring water and all other types of important things! We walked around the city a bit and I never realized how HUGE Chicago is and how beautiful it is, its like a large version of old city in Philly. They also apparently have been filming the new batman movies there so its pretty bad ass. We only really left the hotel and convention to forage for food haha their is this noodle chain out there thats AMAZING and has the best salad EVER. My trip was nothing short of amazing.

I love that Geoff and I both love to travel and its so wonderful we can do it together :]

Right there

2008-11-10T22:38:00.000-08:00

HOLY FUCK You can do what you like, there'll be no reprisal
I'm yours, yes I'm yours, it's my means of survival!

School school school. This weekend made me realize my real friends, Im done being there for people who dont give a fuck.

Ive got 54321...

This weekend was my 80s prom party, I was TRASHED, maybe you were there maybe you werent I wouldnt know the difference because I was so sloshed..hahaa But I remember these people!!(thank god for photos..haha)

Amazing friend!!

Find my sister!

Nope its not Jenna...hahaha

The Dream Team

Model Mania!

Kate and Tbone...aka the best dressed people on the planet

Rape?

YES! RUTH!!

Everyones mouths open? haha

I LOVE THESE GIRLS! ...even though i only saw them for 8 seconds..hahaa

whos that dude..?

YES

ART ED!!!

ART ED..and ruth..hahah

Me and the Raq

Can you believe I didnt even get ONE photo of me and Geoff? WHAT THE FUCK!? oh well...He looked AMAZING though I was so happy he looked so good we were the best looking people ever! I was so happy with who came over and the bag of sick goodies I got from Raquel and Jimi, shes honestly such a great friend and having everyone else there was just so amazing..ugh god im so thrilled!

This week is hardcore school week. I have to cast a model, write an Art History paper, finish my relief print sculpture all before friday! When me and Geoff leave for Chicago for the convention!

And he hath the number of the beast

2008-10-29T09:52:00.000-07:00

I did this painting for Geoffs birthdays in September but just finally got the time to make the frame. I hand sodered pentagrams and after using a drill to put on these tree branches and tied them with twin together to make them more bulky. I had to actually cut the tree branches with a saw haha..it was intense haha..

Im going to post more close up photos of the painting but its got some really killer images in it. I also put the sign of satan in the eye of the owl. The text on the banner says "Ich Bin Mein Eiegene Gott" which in German translates to " I am my own God" which is the theme of the satanic bible. Ive been teaching myself German for the past 2 months so I thought it would be sick to use. The Owl symbolizes Geoff because he loves owls and the rat is me because rats always make him think of me..and then after our first date he made me a flash sheet with a key on it so I thought id make him a lock :]

Punks not dead

2008-10-22T12:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life is seriously so wicked and strange I just wonder how or why I do this to myself.

Im so drained, every part of my body feels like its on fire. Im supposed to be in class right now but Im not...

I feel like this semester is such a mess. Its sad because this is my time of revelation a time where Im supposed to be engulfing myself in my art and work and just producing and being happy. Instead Im so nervous and stressed and feel like Im failing everything. Behind and ahead at the same time? I have so much work that I need to post in here its retarded...

I did the most amazing drawing 2 weeks ago and just started to do the stencils for the silk screens and now the drawing is lost somewhere...where I have no idea otherwise it wouldnt be lost but its gone, and Im real pissed and upset about it.

Last week I got to work with Sarah again at a Pin up halloween group shoot. It was fucking insane. Probably the most disorganized thing Ive ever been apart of but needless to say I killed it haha. Some photos up on myspace, Im sure Ill get more soon too. So weird at the shoot I met this girl Hawk and instantly love her shes a fuckin ripper. Then I got the new issue of INKED and were one person apart in the casting call section! To weird right?! THEN I find our were doing an event together next month! CRAZY whered this girl come from! I love it!

INKED magazine October 08 nigga...Look out for the December 08 issue where I get a full page and have bigger hair then Pdiddys ego!!

I also have an apointment with Eli next month for more work on my rib piece, were adding a magpie with a lock in its mouth. sick.

Also next month is my birthday party which im in the process of making my dress for...minds will be BLOWN! next month also comes along with the SNAPM event where I get to work with Hawk SG and Raquel again so Im super stoked, I love those bitches. And me and Geoff head to Chicago for a tattoo convention, which Im VERY excited about, I need to get the fuck out of here for a while and forget I exist..

Yoga lately has been helping with my stress.. and Geoffs backs a mess so I think the next time he comes over Im going to show him so moves and we can do it together. It seriously helps me so much, Im sure without it Id be insane right now.

Book of life

2008-10-14T19:58:00.000-07:00

I have so many stories but never enough blog for it, my books going to be crazy.

Raqs party was a hugeee success! We had a blast just being outrageous and hanging out. CC came and so did Brett so the whole crew was there. I love those kids. We spilled drinks on boyfriend stealing sluts and the techno twin from those phone commercials fell inlove with me. haha party..

Photos from Nicky

blah...im drunk.

Now im posh

Then were awesome

This kid was really annoying..

Photos from Igor

The sav gang

red mania!!!

us drunk laying on a pool table..which we got yelled at for..

hahah...my life..

Cant touch the ground

2008-10-05T13:59:00.000-07:00

As always school is kicking my ass. Attempting to maintain a level of sanity and being in art school is near impossible. Especially since I am still suffering from crazy rash a bit. Ughhhh...

I had to cancel my shoot this weekend with Kencredible along with dropping off the Sour Puss Clothing look book shoot. ARGHH

But whatever I needed a break I suppose...

A lot is coming up in the next weeks head,Tuesday is Spanish Bombs show, and wednesday Raquel and Jimi are having the Alumni Clothing website launch party and Im going to help hand out goodie bags! Woo!

On the 10th I think thats when Geoff gets home, which automatically rules...
Later on the 18th Im doing a group pin up shoot in NJ were going to be carving pumpkins!! AWESOME!
Then on Halloween its Doug and Mel's wedding which me, Taeko and Caity are brides maids for! SWEET!

Then November 6th is my birthday!

November 8th is insane birthday party maddness

and then on the 18th me and Raquel are the featured models for the SNAPM photo group shoot, so that rules also!

And Geoff bought me this sick new whip!

Tales of Tales

2008-09-21T19:02:00.000-07:00

As always the epic continues, my updates have been shitty but heres some crazy madness for yah!

Last Saturday was Geoffs birthday party. I picked up Christine and we headed over there, John Terry was there which was fantastic because I havent seen him in ages! I got very drunk on wine and managed to get into a bikini and go into the hot tub. The next day I managed to leave still alive!

Monday was my shoot for INKED magazine, and well it was fucking AMAZING. They had a make up artist there from Italy or some shit and a hair dresser from England they were fantastic. They also even highered people to cover us in baby oil how retarded is that?! and the shoot was perfect I honestly couldnt of asked for more. And thank goodness my girl Sharon TK was there to make sure I didnt look like a cow in my bathing suit haha. My hair was HUGE i had this insane mohawk deal that I loved.

I started to notice after the shoot I was really itchy, But I was like whatever and then Geoff came over and I managed to burn the veggie nacho delicious I made us :[ Obviously Im terrible.

Later this week the insanity of the itchy got worse. I have crazy hives right now and the Doc said apparently Im fucking allergic to baby oil!? WHAT THE FUCK?!

Friday I went to go see The Bouncing souls totally randomly and honestly. worst set theyve ever played. Then later me Julia and Alyssa went to the INKED party at the office, drank free booze and then Todd kicked everyone out and took me and the girls out to LIT and bought us drinks all night. I eventually realized I was trashed and took a cab home. From all the drinking and getting beer spilled all over me and the show my skin was out of control so I couldnt go back to NJ for the show last night with Kimmy. FUCKING BUMMER :[

Today I just did alot of silk screening and Im seeing another doctor tomorrow about this shit, because it sucks. I hope I get better... Im already feeling better because Geoff is home so now we can hang out :] yah!

Frank Sinatra, hes dead

2008-09-17T21:50:00.000-07:00

So Monday last week was pretty fucking insane i got a call from my girl Raquel about the music video premier for this band Semi Precious Weapons and she wanted me to go and hang. So I got out of bed and headed over there and met up with her and Brett Ellis, Sharon TK was there which was sick and I got to meet Lauren WK not to mention Raq's awesome friend Casandra whom I fucking love. We met some kids and took pictures on this crazy shagon wagon of a van and managed to just run around like retards...

Tuesday Kayle my dearest of dears from Cali came to visit, we went to the Ed Hardy fashion show because Raq was walking in it and was getting us in. We went and fucking Ice T was sitting right infront of us! how retarded is that!?

Wild eyes

2008-09-11T15:07:00.000-07:00

oh goth kim..

BOSTON

Fuck

2008-09-10T16:23:00.001-07:00

Just another day at work...

Ocean of fuck

2008-09-06T22:16:00.000-07:00

So school has started and my minds already blown..

Here are some sick ass Relief prints on working on
"Knowledge"

"Shred of the Nar"

Lizzy Brown left me this as a myspace comment...its a photo of us at a bouncing souls show back in 2003..Look how awesome we are!

Me and kim had the best conversations today...
Kim: i was like omg
Kim: like stars in my eyes
Kim: and then like i realized... pfff eff this
Scarlett: which slowly turned to flaming coals of hate fuckkkkkk

Photos from Simon G shoot..

PARTY

Spider

2008-08-27T15:42:00.000-07:00

So today I got an email that Im going to be one of NYC's INKED girls, so Ill have a shoot on September 15th and be in the magazine. Im pretty stoked, though it wont be a cover because they only do famous people its still pretty fucking cool.

(Holla at my girl Dina D on this cover!)
Tomorrow is my shoot with Dale May for Tattoo Life magazine cover! My outfit is a naughty nun haha which is amazing because thats so me.

Ive been working up a storm on my anti christ project and half finished one of the cast Virgins and am just doing some finishing touches. I started to work on the stencils for silkscreening so I wont have to worry about them during the school year which starts...TUESDAY! ACK!

On a side note my trip to Boston was fantastic..I love my girls.

This past weekend I went to the ghetto and met some dude from the internet, who was scared I was going to rape him and brought 2 of his friends haha, hung out at some crazy apartment party in SOHO broke glass, stole a sign "No high heels on the roof, Divas." haha and watched people smoke weed laced with coke. Needless to say it was the best night ever. PARTY.

Tonight I have no idea whats going on..

This week Spanish Bombs are playing all over the place, and obviously Im going.

Stoned

2008-08-20T20:07:00.000-07:00

Im in Boston right now, sitting on a couch with Dani and Kimmy. Were watching the Royal Teninbalms in an effort to finally relax after an epic day of walking around the city.

Sunday: I awoke in Philly on Blur's futon. We (Me, Marton, Blur, Moo and Julia) went to Honey's for brunch where Eddie was working. The night previous we drank at a bar where OJ was dressed as a lucador and it was pretty fucking epic. Thus we were hung over and a mess. After eating we went back to Blurs and took naps haha. Me and Blur then went to dinner at El Cantina and drank a pitcher of Blood orange margaritas and vegan nachos. Drunk as fuck we headed over to the troc to see The Faint and got free booze and watched the show. They played all old stuff and like 2 new songs so it kicked ass. Later I drove Blur to her friends, smoked some pot and drove from Philly to NYC at 1am drunk, high and obviously an idiot.

Monday: I got to my apartment at 3am and went to bed. At 9am I ran around like a retard getting ready for the later trip to Boston. I went to a dinner on 34th, and it sucked. Kimmy met up with me and we go on the bus at 1pm and left for Boston.

We arrived at 5 something and not even 10 minutes of us being there a homeless man approached me and Kimmy asking if Kims boobs were fake and telling me how he fell UP the stairs and gashed his leg, and how he was drinking vodak out of his big gulp cup. When he said the boobs thing I told him to go away, and he came back with 3 of his bumm friends..so we escaped. haha.

We then met up with Danielle and went back to her house. She made us dinner and it was fucking fantastic. And since then Ive been eating Vegan and Im trying it out for the week to see if maybe I should just finally give up on mac and cheese and make the step so well see. Later we went to a bar and got drunk.

Tuesday: We woke up ate vegan cakes and pizza and then some thrifting. Sam came to Boston and we got to hang out, I viciously molested her when I saw her because I was so excited. She brought her friend Jordan with her who was pretty fantastic. We then left the apartment and got in a fight with some spanish boys who were trying to holler at Danielle and got in her face. I got punched in the arm and one of Sams shoes when flying because she was viciously kicking and punching at this dude, which was fantastic. Oh my vegan straight edge feminist love...Sam is the best girl on earth. We then went around philly shopping, drinking tea and talking about people and things. We went to The Outside and ate more vegan delicious.

Later me Sam, Jordan, Kayla, Dana, and Andi went and did Karioki which was epic and fantastic. We werent even drunk..We pushed the tabel in our room to be a stage and preformed for eachother. During "Whats my age again" I started crowd surfing/rolling all over everyone..it was awesome.

Wednesday: Today we woke up and got food at yet another fantastic Vegan place. We met up with Kayla and dropped Sam at the train so she could go to philly. We then went shopping and then went on this insane walk around all of Boston. We finally JUST got home at 9pm...ugh...and now were going to rest..

Tomorrow me and Danielle have made a list of epic vintage places me and Kim will go to while shes at work. Were also getting Vegan Thai food which should also kick ass.

Im so tired right now from walking so much, my butt is going to be like a rock haha.

I found out something hilarious this week apparently someone has been searching for my number and got it...and if this person EVER FUCKING CALLS ME. I will probably throw my phone out of a moving car before EVER answering it. So if this person is reading my blog and reads this DONT FUCKING CALL ME.

The Blonde Period

2008-08-12T18:56:00.000-07:00

After getting into two conversations in the past week about what my "type" is with two of my very closest girlfriends. I realized that this year Ive dated nothing but blonde haired blue eyed boys..haha Nazi much? Which is far from my black/brown haired hazel eyes dream boat normally standings. I find change to be good..gotta love change.

Life day to day update:

This weekend in philly was retarded. I love Blur and love the enjoy I get from hanging out with her. We got so drunk..SO DRUNK. But yet only paid for two drinks? Had fantastic thai food, awesome brunch and just ran around like jackasses.

Sunday night when I returned home I went to see Pineapple Express with Greg, my bestie. Which was the best movie ever. Later after the movie Greg got a call from Jimbos dad... Hes apparently AWAKE! AND KNOWS WHO EVERYONE IS! AND IS DOING AWESOME! Im so excited, though Im not that close with him the look on Gregs face made me want to cry he was so stoked..Im so happy hes okay.

Later I saw Brett Jerk he was having a party for Mike Chins birthday so I went to hang out. Bretts moving to Africa in November to teach ESL which is so crazy and like him...haha dick..

I had to this week install a hardcore combo lock on my apartment door. Because someone has been getting drunk and going into peoples rooms in our apartment. Fucking annoying. I cant wait for this month to be over, and I can just live in peace..yes..peace.

Today I went to the beach for the first time during the day in 2 years haha..I was blasting 50 on myself every 30 minutes..Im so sick.

And now a fun little story....

My grandmother never had much...she worked hard so hard infact she couldnt take care of her own children. Nina the eldiest stayed with my grandmother to help her with my sick and dying grandfather. My mother, Renee, and her sister Valerie went to live with their grandmother and gand aunts.

My great aunts were straight off the boat from Italy from a small gypsy village outside of Rome. When I was in Rome we tried to find it, but back then a village was like two manhattan blocks so eventually they all merged together to form one large town. Their were five of them, all in their late 70's and 80's. Their three brothers all died in WWII along with all of their husbands. Together they all lived, doing house work, cleaning, mowing the lawn everything you could imagine. Just 5 really old ladies widowed and living in a house together. They always made my mother and aunt work hard around the house. They were never aloud to spoil their supper and my great grandmother and great aunts would take about 10 asprins a day, to thin their blood so that they wouldnt have heart attacks and all that jazz. They wore their hair in tight bunns and at the end of the day my mother and aunt would brush their hair for them before bed. Huge long horse mains of hair that was then tied in braids and put to sleep.

These women always taught my mother and aunt to never rely on men for anything. That eventually in ones life they would end up in the same situation as they did. Alone, with nothing left but a ticket to another country to start a new life. That as a strong Mariani woman they would have to find resolution in their own lives, and depend on themselves rather then others.

Thus I find it fitting that my aunt is a divorce' and my mother will soon be joining her.

My mom taught me this way too..Thus I also find it fitting that I will be moving to another country in less than 3 years with nothing but myself...oh how we follow so well in the footprints of other great people.

Shut up and let me go

2008-08-05T20:21:00.000-07:00

This weekend was indeed the drunken fantastic. I got to hang out with Ama for a hot minute and help her move her room and then went on a bar hopping spree with Julia. We went to The Charleston, The Levy and Union Pool. The Union Pool was the best though, because everytime we walk through that door its like theirs a spot light on us, or someone sticks a freakin beccon to my chest haha. Some dude was trying to pick me up with his Gone with the wind knowledge, which was hilarious and totally wrong, he kept saying the wrong author of the book..duh.. Katie Lampa, Dana and Suri were there too which was awesome because they had us roaring laughing for hours. We talked about horrible sex stories and awkward situations.

Later I got home at 4am and had a shoot with Steve Prue on sunday. We did some broken doll looking stuff which I cant wait to see and some shooting for New York Couture clothing again. He said I should get the pictures in like 2 weeks.

Im getting so annoyed because I did atleast 7 shoots that Im missing pictures for from the past two months...GRRR!!

This month is JAM PACKED with maddness..this is my life..

August
8th: camp ends,go to Philly, dance dance dance and get new glasses!
9th: secret vacation
10th: secret vacation
11th: secret vacation
12th: Sam gets to boston!!
16th: Philly fuckin up part two!
17th: Ponential shoot with J Baxter, The Faint at the Troc
18th: Leave for Boston with Kimmy
19th: BOSTON
20th: The Faint in Boston
21st: Photoshoot
22nd: Leave Boston for NYC, Dances of Vice festival
23rd: The Rumblers car show
24th: Dances of Vice festival
25th: Sam comes to NYC
28th: Shoot for Tattoo Life

thats all I have goin on so far for the month! Im excited! Woo! Me and Sam are also planning my trip to Cali in January, I might go for like two weeks...hehe. YAH!

Oh yeah, pictures of trash talk poster!

The best worst day ever

2008-08-02T15:21:00.000-07:00

Life sent me a package today that said,
"Dear Scarlett,
We are going to give you so many lemons that you
may pontentionally drownd in lemonade.

All the best,
The Universe"

Today started out awesome. Last night I went to the lanes in Asbury, while there I met up with Russian Kate, Anastasia, Kimmy Monster and Black Gary. We got trashed and it was fucking awesome. We were celebrating my Tattoo Life Cover which I got! WAHOO!!! And my pontetial cover for INKED Magazine. After a night of drunken maddess Tim texted me that he just got off his plane! WAHOOO AGAIN!! So I went over to his house and we hung out outside and talked about our weekends and our trips. I missed his little face alot I guess so seeing him and being able to cuddle was an extra nice ending to my evening.

Today I woke up at 9:30 insted of 8:30 as planned. I rushed around got ready and headed to NYC for my casting. Whenever I see that NYC sky line when I get off of exit 14C on the turnpike my heart just stops, and then I breath in heavy and hard, and fall right back into love with New York, I swear leaving here is always the hardest thing to do.

It started to poor outside!! But I was prepaired with umbrella in hand haha, half the girls at the casting were soked. I met some interesting ladies, got interviewed and had myself shot up. I think I did pretty good, the photographer was hilarious and seemed to love me haha and he kept telling me how lazy he was, and I told him I didnt mind.

After the shoot I came home to my apartment, my glorious apartment that I now am fighting tooth and nail for. You see, Jess is a fucking cunt, yes I have to use the C word. I filled her room at the end of July for her, did all the work to get everything settled and perfect. Id been emailing her for weeks asking when shes moving out, and finally she gets back to me YESTERDAY. UGHHH. So I felt so awful that Rin is being displaced because of Jess's inconciderate nature that Im taking a trip up to boston for a week so she can sleep in my room and get to know NYC for free. Then she will couch surf till Jess gets her ass out.

Now my other roommate Nicole just told me shes moving out with her brother September 1st!? AHHHHH which means I have to find ANOTHER person. Its just all very annoying. I swear this place is so stressful because Im the only responsible person, ME of all people, like seriously how did this happen!??!ACK.

So I painted the doors in my room with stripes to calm myself down, moved some furniture and spray painted gold trim on my doors. Im not going anywhere, I refuse to move out of this fucking apartment DAMN IT.

Later tonight I will hanging out hopefully with Amalia for a bit and then hanging out with Julia Gulia in the burg somewheres geting trashed. Tomorrow I have a shoot with Steve Prue which Im VERY excited for and will be wearing my new pink dress! More soon :]

Youre an idiot

2008-07-27T19:20:00.000-07:00

I do stupid things because I like to play into the fact that my life is seriously retarded. I hope later this month I read this and say, "oh fuck, I have a good point".

This week was retarded. Like to the point where I hate people a lot. This damn stupid son of a bitch Aaron from Edison kept fucking with me on when he was going to get the Trash Talk posters so much so that I was having serious anxiety, which is not fun. nope no fucking fun. Then has the genius to send three of the most sarcastic dick fuck E-street kids (whom I love and hate alot) to my work to pick up the posters without the money!? it was a mess, and then when he did get them to me gave me to much money, which I should have taken and told him to go fuck himself, but Im not that type. Though I wish I was sometimes...

Friday I went to philly, it was pretty awesome getting drunk with Julia, Eddie and Regis. We went to making time, where Regis and I proceeded to make fun of everyone there haha. Saturday I went to lunch at Honey's with Blur and Julia, Eddie works there and he suggested I get this veggie burger melt sandwitch thing, which ruled my life needless to say. Later we dropped Blur off at work and headed to South St to my favorite Antiques place we both got dresses. Mine is pink and obnoxious.

Later that night I went to dinner with Regis to this place The Devils Den, they fucked up my order so we got a free desert which was this razzzzberry turn over, it was like crack, and I love crack. After dinner I dropped him off at his house and I met up with Blur, we got trashed at this bar and met some very strange characters, one who even gave us the details on how he is totally stalking this girl and has been for weeks. FANTASTIC!

Today I got back from philly and went to the grocery store, the rain was so hard that everyone was like trapped there. Then the lighting was hitting the parking lot and people were scared to go to their cars. I could only think of Frankie O, my first real boyfriend when I was 15 and how last year his mother was struck by lightening and died, needless to say I ran to my car in the pooring rain and booming death..haha.

Two weeks til camp ends, two weeks til Sam comes to visit! I might just go back to Cali with her...hmmm...two weeks til I get back to lovely Brooklyn and work up a storm on new art, all through camp Ive been writing in my book new ideas Im so excited to create them.

Im discontent, and I would like for Tim to be back from Cali, I want to go to the beach at night and talk about how cold weather is better then warm weather.

Start wearing purple

2008-07-21T18:57:00.000-07:00

So I finished the designs today for Trash Talks poster for Sound and Fury. Im really excited because its different from alot of stuff Ive been doing, its going these zombie crows with candles and weird shits super tight.

Ive been kinda sick lately but not really sick, its confusing. The more I am here still, in America I realize Im not ment to be here. The weather is awful and it makes me sick constantly, people here just suck, everyones so one track. I just want to travel the world and fucking move to Camden England already. I figure Ill start there and after like 3 years move to Japan..

Modeling has been on hold this month so I can not die from over working and sort of have a life Im still waiting to hear back from Dale May about working together for Tattoo Life and doing the cover shoot. Raquel is still rooting for me, which makes me feel alittle better, I love that little cupcake. Yesterday I got an email from INKED another tattoo mag that had Kat Von D and Denise Richards on the cover recently. They told me I have a test shoot on August 2nd which is exciting so it would be hilarious if I got both.

This weekend I went out for the first time in a long time. I met up with Russian Kate and her friend and we proceeded to get trashed at the lanes. Kimmy Monster met up with us too so it was a pretty awesome night. Later I got lost trying to find Tim at the stupid bar he was at...ugh. I found him and we went back to his house to go to sleep. When we got there we went into the back yard so he could smoke. I just layed in the grass and looked at the sky, their were only two stars and the moon was full. It was nice to lay in grass, live grass that was green insted of brittle dead grass at my parents house. I find this all to be a metaphor for something.

Oh before I forget, I got a email from this salon in NYC that wants me to do this make up, hair, waredrobe thing for them for INSTYLE magazine! and some other mags too. So that also kicks ass. I think after I get all newly done up Im going to talk to Yvette from UGLY NYC about modeling for them and get signed.

The lords got no humor.

2008-07-16T14:41:00.000-07:00

So as you can tell from my lack of postings things have been pretty epic lately...

Camp is going awesome, this year we honestly have a really great group and Im thankful indeed for that.

Nordstroms as always is like a fucking gate to hell and Im scared to see when it opens friday for the sale. All the maddness and blood sheid... I just imagine suburban house wives dressed in full viking gear swinging battle axes and swords fighting over the last 7 1/2 Stewart Whitesman shoe...oh the horror... THE HORROR.

Working 8:30am- 10:30pm straight is obviously killing me slowly..

Last thursday I went to go see The Banner play with Trouble Maker, Pelinore, The Mongoloids and afew other bands. Me and Greg flipped a coin and I won again for the 3rd time in a row for us to be friends for the evening..haha. All the bands did awesome. Alan from Mongoloids is seriously one of my favorite babies ever and I cant wait for him to move to NYC in august, its going to be retarded. A bunch of the dudes from Trash Talk were all at the show and they ended up playing, which was of course awesome.

I sold posters there that have a very interesting story behind.. I ended up selling them all and making back all my money for paper, gas, dinner and to get new glasses. WAHOO! I made 33 at first, but the night before the show as I walked out to my car with them in broken porfolio in hand I sliped in the rain and 11 flew out of my bag. FUCK. totally destroyed. But I still sold the other half of them so that was great.

Before that I went to see Dale May, a fantastic photographer who I did a casting with for the cover of Tattoo Life. I hope I got it, I thought he really liked me and Ill be so bummed if I dont get it. I talked to Raquel Reed earlier today and she told me he told her she made it.. so I know now theirs only afew spots left I just hope I get that phone call. I hope if I do get it that me and Raq can do a cover together! Because we would be retarded hot on the cover of that magazine together.

Today I got an email from this dude AV who aparently told me Trash Talk liked my poster at the Banner show and that TT wants one for sound and fury fest next weekend! So I have to get crackin, depending on how many they want will depend if I can do it. If they want like 40 then its totally on and Im so stoked to do work for those guys. Paid work...yummmm.

Later tonight I have to call Steve Grims about doing a shoot. Lord knows I need the money and his stuffs pretty tight.

Im thinking of changing my hair color...again.. haha. But I need to figure it out before I do anymore shoots because with my new stuff im going to send it to UGLY NYC so I can be signed already because Im over this doing it myself shit.

Im just so tired... I wish that I didnt have to work myself like this..

Im also in this SUPER OUT OF CONTROL Gogol Bordello kick lately. Im also saving up to take violin lessons again during the school year, so I can start a band and be retarded. haha.

Exhaustion

2008-07-05T14:38:00.000-07:00

Im so tired lately, I came home from work thursday and just crashed out.. Working three jobs is murder on me.

Ive cancelled all my shoots for July because the last time I did all three jobs at once I ended up in the hospital. So lets not do this.

Camp has been fantastic, the kids are amazing and love art which makes them so great. Weve been making all kinds of goodies for projects and Im in the process of teaching them how to sew, were making stuffed animals haha and theyre AWESOME!

Wednesday I went to the lanes with Kim and Lauren to hang out and also see Tim and his other band play Gimi Drugs, with The Loved Ones. The show was awesome, the drama was not. It was pretty epic I even peed infront of Kims car just to get her to laugh and feel better haha thats how good of a friend I am! haha. Wow what a crazy night.

Im pissed I wanted this dress on ebay and some whore from australia bought it! SO MAD! Now im going to have to make it...ughh.

Last night was 4th of July, I went up to see Richard and hang out for a bit, earlier this week he and I saw Wall.e which was FANTASTIC! After hanging out at the BBQ at Kates and talking to BoyDave about God and yatta yatta I drove down to Asbury to meet up with Jrok and Tim. We saw the fireworks as I fought with clans of moms, shovey children and the rain. We then fled to the lanes where I got very drunk and met his friends Jeremy from Let it Burn and Molly, whom came all the way from Ohio! I then drove us all home, as I got out of the car I called in victory to another night of not getting a DWI.

Tonight Im back in NYC to do some silk screening for the Banner CD release show at some church in NJ should be awesome, the design is so evil I love it hahaa. I think im going to re draw it and make it even better then before. because I roll like that.

I leave you with this.. back from Chrismas when my hair was black!

My time

2008-06-29T15:29:00.000-07:00

We were all born to do something. Some people take their whole lives to figure out what they want to do with themselves. I was never lucky with much but what I was lucky with was knowing at a young age what I wanted to be when I grew up. In 7th grade I decided no matter what, I would be an Art Teacher.

When I got into highschool I told my art teacher at the time I wanted to learn everything from her I would learn in college to be a teacher, so Id be prepaired. I learned how to change the kone elements in a kiln, how to sodder, how to do just about everything. She would give me problems that happen often in the room that I would have to solve. Finally by the time I was in my sophomore year, she would leave to go do her grocery shopping while I taught her classes for her. And most classes since till I would graduate.

It was that summer of my freshman year that I started at the marlboro rec center as a jr counselor in the art camp C.A.T. I would slave like a bitch for this woman who was the head teacher and her spoiled daughter who was her assitant. Finally after two years her daughter went away to college and I was promoted and we highered my sister to work there as well. Then after that summer Marleen quit and Desiree and I became incharge. That was 8 years ago and I still work there teaching 5th-8th grade multi medium art classes. Needless to say Im sure you can imagine how fucking awesome it would be to have me as your art teacher hahaha.

This photo is from the summer of 05 when Joanna was still in camp. Joanna I met when she was in 5th grade, shes now going into her JR year of highschool. Thus you can imagine I feel old as fuck sometimes...ahahha

Monday is the first day of camp and every summer Im depressed as fuck until this weekend passes. Because once camps starts I have no worries or cares, just my love for these little bastards and having a ball at something I was lucky enough to know earlier on in life that Im outrageously good at.

Think Locally, Fuck Globally

2008-06-26T12:10:00.000-07:00

Im on a Gogol Bordello kick this week FUCK YES.

This was my final project for my silk screening class last semester, theirs only 3 of them and one I gave to Regis, another Im keeping and obviously the last one Im selling. So If you want it get at me. Silk Screened Jesus with crown of thorns, hair made of rusted wire, done on ply wood covered with pages of Fredrik Nietzsche's "The Anti Christ" hahah get into it :]

Last night I went to Ama's house and we dyed her hair and I gave her the most bad ass hair cut ever, lets just say SPEED LINES. I also cut my hair more so its more mohawk esq. Ive also decided im going to grow it out after this and dye it a more orange red. As soon as this fucking black grows out..ugh. It was around then that I texted Julia and told her I was going to HV at the Annex with Ama and everyone and for her to come out were going from 11-3.

I get there at 12 so I felt bad thinking that she would be there waiting for me with Tracy, which she was..hahaha. We got TRASHED and danced all night which I havent done in a while. We kept getting free drink after drink, vodak, whiskey all kinds of crap. And somehow I thought it was a great idea to drive Tracy and Julia home in my car...hahaha I drove fine and got myself home fine but never the less it wasnt a good thing of me to do.

I got back into my hood and was hungry so I went to the 24 hour deli, as I stood in line with these two girls apparently I told the one how i liked her shirt because it had penguins on it. And then we talked about how Tyra Banks is scared to death of dolphins hahahaha. Then apparently I Imed Regis and was saying all kinds of nonsense about whatever. I dont remember any of this except for what Nicole told me. WOW..I suck..hahaha but in the most glorious way. By this time she said it was 5am.

I woke up today at 3...hahaha.

Tonight Im heading back to NJ hopefully Ill get some kinda vegan dinner with Kimmy Mano Monster Mash haha. But one can only hope. Then Tomorrow is Rec orentation for Camp which im really excited about. Be prepaired for pictures, videos and massive entries about my kids I work with because its going to happen. I like to save notes for later when I write in my book.

Ive been in this weird mood and funk lately ever since saturday. I guess the reality of all the things that happened over the weekend, (non scene related) has just made me realise I need to stop all the maddness.. maybe only talk to one dude insted of a million at the same time. Its just getting to hard to keep track anymore. Maybe then Ill actually have a meaningful relationship with someone I actually give enough of a fuck about to mend my evil ways. I may have one in mind but lord knows as always Ill find a way to fuck this one up too...hahha. I just wish I could care about people enough, or stop caring about those who dont give a fuck about me, but I know thats just me punishing myself for what Ive done to others I guess..

Open eyes

2008-06-23T09:09:00.001-07:00

This weekend was pretty fantastic! I went to a shows in Philly saturday and sunday. I felt like a kid again, though Im only 21 I know that sounds silly, feeling like a kid again and all because in some eyes I still am one.. but I thought about a lot of things and here is how my weekend went.

I drove down to Philly to see my friend Billy’s band Rat Pack play their first show ever at Planet Molly's a punk house venue having is third to last show ever. Not having an exact address I thought it would be hard to find as I drove down 40 somethingth street. While thinking these thoughts I saw smoke and a bamillion shirtless dudes standing on the sidewalk. Obviously I found the venue. As irony would have it after parking my car written in the pavement in front of the house it said "calamity". As I met the kids and walked through the sweat, beer and tofu the foyer of the house was filled with bicycles and a pentagram done with masking tape that said under it "HAIL SATAN", needless to say I felt right at home.

Fuck went on first, a two-piece band of madness that was a pleasure to watch. Then Ruins who if you haven’t heard you should kill yourself because you life is seriously lacking, a band of "to many gingers" played some of the best shit Ive heard in a while. www.myspace.com/ruinsrockandroll is their myspace, I suggest you check them out. Then Rat Pack went on which was just fun to watch, everyone was drunk and out of control, beer was poured all over Billy before a line could even be screamed. Of course to say I didnt loved it would be a lie. The last band was Endless Bummer but we had to miss them because Billy in his drunken genius gashed his arm open pretty bad and walloped his head pretty good so I thought it best to take him home.

All the rest of the night I kept thinking about Ruins playing that basement. The whole show reminded me of something out of 8th grade. When at shows everyone was friends and if they weren’t they would eventually be. Unity was key and its sad that Mollys moving out and wont have shows their anymore after today. After laying around getting pissed off that the world of music has begun to go into the gutter I started to get some hope that maybe finally the swords been taken from the stone and theirs finally a band from Philly thats new and doesnt suck.

Sunday after going to Govindas for a fantastic "chicken" cheese steak with Billy I headed over to The Banner show at The Church a spot I havent been to since The Explosion did their last show with Modern Life is War in September of last year. I began to realize I only go to the shows of my friends bands, because its the only time I see them or because I get in for free. I dont contribute to anything except opinions with little actions and started to get really annoyed. I saw Richard, Jake and Joey and met Buzz for the second time though he doesnt remember the first, which was sometime last year haha.

I didnt watch the first band because I was talking to everyone else. The Banner was pretty awesome and their super fans made it exceptionally fun to watch. It reminded me of days when I got so stoked on a band I couldnt stop moving, that Id actually have to run to the bathroom to throw up. Which one of these kids actually did. Thus naturally this weekend of past nostalgia wouldnt stop here. I sat outside for a while talking to Steve the drummer of Elysia a band going through some dramatic musical changes and trying to shake this image of just typical metal/hardcore kids. It was really awesome talking to someone that wasnt a moron and new what they were saying. We also talked about art and traveling, and I felt thankful that I make time and can do the things I do and work on my art and still make a living.

Their set was awesome Zachs vocals kicked ass and once again I was happy to watch a band in Philly that didnt suck (though they are from Sacramento). Then I started to look at this young girl, probably 16? Wearing basketball shorts, her "moshing" was pretty much the running man mixed with aerobics and I started to laugh to myself.

As I watched her pat her buddies on the back and bop around smiling and attempting to look hard I once again got on that ride back to the hey day. I saw myself standing around with Brooke my only girlfriend from Philly, as we were 15 years old getting our asses kicked by huge dudes saying "girls have no place in hardcore" and "girls cant dance". I remember watching a girl outside the Troc get knocked out by a guy because she was confronting him about a confrontation inside the venue. As I got out of the car driving me home, I took a beach towel and cleaned up the blood on her face and we drove her home.

I explained all this to Blur as we stood there watching the band and watching this girl. I just thought of the years of blood, scars and broken noses I had to go through in Philly my short time venturing there as a teen. How hard we fought for girls like that to have a place to have their style. And this chick was doing the running man? Walking around like a peacock. It was an insult to injury. Literally. And I know this is just me being a snob but I was just kinda like what the hell..seeing as how I was already in rare form.

It was at this point that I walked outside and had a cigarette. One of my old friends younger brother came up to me and started to talk to me about INFEST. A hardcore festival in Sayerville. He was saying how this year he didnt want to go because of FSU and all the fighting that would happen. I finally just hit my boiling point and started to go off on this kid and his friends. Here is basically what I said,

"Why are you going to not go see bands you want to see because a bunch of old dudes are going to get in fights? Thats retarded, and that kind of stupid shit is the reason why we have no hardcore scene in New Jersey anymore. Everyone’s afraid; everyone’s scared, of what? 7 dudes that are older and bigger then you? Because honestly thats all it really is is 7 big guys who go to a bar and eat wings at their meetings and dictate your life? Youre really going to let them scare you out of going to a show? When kids stop booking shows, the bands stop coming and when the bands stop coming this all becomes stale and dead. Its people like you that are killing this scene. Theirs hundreds of you and 7 of them, what do you think their going to SWAT team the rest of the FSU nation in to NJ so they can beat up a bunch of 14 year olds for trying to have shows? That’s retarded. This isnt a Republic this is fucking HARDCORE. I didn’t vote for these people, Im not going to give them my respect, my fear, POWER over ME. But you kids, you’re the ones in control not them, youre the ones who stopped having the shows, stopped printing the zines, stopped buying music stopped fucking caring enough to do something about it. If you want to see a band you like go see them. If you see a fight break it up, you’re obviously all these for the same reasons. All it means NOTHING is three letters that is, you’re going to let the fucking alphabet control your life? FSU started because of the Neo Nazi's in Boston and NYC are you a Nazi? NO so they have no reason to beat you up, and if they do then they are just dumb old retarded men with nothing better to do then pick on children. If you book a show and they come there call the cops, your not doing anything illegal but they are, their a fucking GANG of mostly 30 something year old dudes, I think a cop would find a bunch of old balding men hanging around and intimidating 13 year old kids fucking weird. Let them know they fucked everything up and their obviously not going to be welcome. You think they want to risk jail or fines to come to your show? To what prove a point that they’re hard? They’re fucking COOL? They don’t have anything to prove anymore, their credibility is out the fucking window that shits long gone. In other areas Im sure they’ve gotten respect because they were there for something. When was the last damn time you saw a Nazi skin head in New Jersey!? Im done hearing people bitch about what the fuck happened and you little fucks need to start making things happen of this shit, because Im getting bored."

It seemed pretty inspiring and Im glad that he and his friends listened so intently. Maybe it will spark a change. That these little bastards will get their shit together and realize a thousand bees can kill a bear. Im just so sad that something I love so much has gone to hell, I have hope though that bands like Ruins will still play and kids will look for new bands to play shows that arent the same shit over and over again. We’ve been run to the damn high hills of Jersey now to have shows, that shit needs to change.

As a teacher, and someone who loves kids, I dont want them living in a world without this. Lord knows the best time of my life and the most lessons I learned were in a school they were in a VFW, a Church basement, M&M Hall, Barn, Venue, Parking Lot, House Basement, Living Rooms, Roof Top, Knights of Columbus, Backyard, Club. Anywhere that had somewhere to plug in an amp. And these dumb kids are letting these fucks take it away from them? They dont even know what their missing.

Later me and Blur went to El Catena to get a pitcher of Margaritas and Vegan tacos. Needless to say it was a good night.

.

Throw back!

2008-06-18T18:54:00.001-07:00

I just found a whole mess of pictures from the last 3 days I was in Norway! Enjoy!

tattoo maddness

foot ball awesomeness

drunk fantastic!

And heres a pictures of me and my friends from NJ playing bang wizz chad the best drinking game in the world!

This is Gretch and Jess...

or Jess and Gretch! Bum bum bummm!

An Atom bomb of Revenge

2008-06-18T06:37:00.001-07:00

I cant stop listening to Brooks Strause, as Tim would say "hes the best lyricist of our time" hahah.

It cost me 300 dollars basically to get my car out of impound and pay my ticket. Im pretty bummed but thank god for that kid Tom who works at Vinnies who will give me free pizza haha atleast I wont starve to death!

So last nights shoot with Insuh was of course fantastic! I love that dude, he makes me laugh so hard because were both just weird people. We shot on 3 different locations and did 7 outfits! Not bad for only working for afew hours, we are indeed the dream team.

After the shoot I got home and me and all my roommates were all home at the same time! CRAAZY that never happeneds so we all hung out and acted like idiots. Jess bought space bags to put her stuff in for her moving out and going to work at this camp so we watched them work their magic! It was pretty amazing, I have a video Ill post later today. Jess and Gretchen also tried on some of the wigs I own for shoots and it was hilarious, hahahah best ever.

Later in the night Gretch was on the phone with her crazy boyfriend and he was talking about the hand book of the new paradime. I HAVE TO READ THIS THING. It says all this shit about everyone dying in 2012 and that theirs like dragons in the middle of the earth and all this insane shit...seriously people are outrageous, I cant wait to read it and make fun of everyone even more. Their conversation on the phone last night was hilarious. As me and my other roommates listened on we were laughing so hard it was sick hahaha.

Later I talked to Tim on the phone for a while and just kinda went into my crazy life story I guess. Talking to him made me realize that I do alot with what Ive got and I should be greatful for how much life Ive honestly lived in so short a time. However I still want to run a muck and do more insane shit WOO!

I also found recently these photos from a shoot I did back in...January? I think it was..For my friends Kati and Ilana its pretty bad ass and kinda creepy...

Today I have the best plan ever, Im just going to sleep all day and night after work. YUP!

I miss being in Norway and hanging out with Ili, Glenn and Marius! I found this picture today on Ili's blog and it made me so bummed Im not there!!

Also this is my bad ass tattoo hahah it means "Vacation" Thanks Glenn!

Poor house

2008-06-17T11:47:00.000-07:00

Ahhh life. What a punch in the face you are.

So this week has been super fun an eventful. Thursday I went with Julia to see Spanish Bombs play at the rock star bar or whatever its called down by the water. Its always a pleasure to see Tim and Jrok and it was a pretty awesome show, we saw a random girl drunk kinda fight. it was pretty entertaining and after the show we went to the after party at a bar that was hilarious because they were playing the Garbage Pale kids movie haha. Afterwards we all headed back to Crewtons to drink and yatta yatta.

Friday I decided it best to stay in, I was so tired and just sickly from the previous night of over boozing and maddness that life had to wait.

Saturday I had a shoot for a Fetish website doing some bondage Bettie Paige style stuff. It was pretty awesome and I had alot of fun doing it hahah. I love shoots like that because theyre just outrageous. After the shoot I went and got ready and headed over to the Annex for Brad Walsh's birthday party and it see him preform. It was pretty awesome and Brad is a huge sweet heart. I got to see Kate and Alana whom I LOVE to see when I go out though it is rare.

After leaving early I headed back over to Crewtons to meet up with Jrok, Tim, Julia and everyone else. We attempted to go to a bar but failed because Jrok had lost his license previously so we headed over to San loco and got some awesome food and drinks there. Later we went back to Crewtons for more fun and maddess hahha.

Sunday was fathers day so I had to move my shoot with Insuh to today. bah.

I got back to NYC on monday afternoon and headed by the Tripp NYC show room to get my sweet new goodies! I cant wait to ware all the free crap I got. I love life!

Later I went to Amas. Colleen was there to with Oseto her little dog whom used to hate me but now loves me haha. We hung out like old times and painted Ama's room. Coll had to bounce so we stayed to finish the job and went to LOWES to get more stuff to do her room with. Then we went to Vinnies Pizza to get vegan pizza and proceeded to get hit on by young dudes, while we were both, dressed in terrible painting outfits, sweat covered, paint covered, hair matted and lack of make up. Thus I felt pretty good about myself. hahaha. The Pizza was the best ever in my life.

After I got home I got a message from Danny K from Shattered Realm about needing a design ASAP for their Europe tour, I busted it out in a hour and I hope he liked it haha its not my best work but it would have to do for the time I had to do it in.

This morning as I woke up to go to work I went outside on my normal walk and went to go passed my car to make sure another night it had survived. Well it was gone. YUP. So I went to work and called all over the place and aparently it got towed because I parked infront of a drive way, which wasnt really a drive way. Thus Im sure you can understand im so upset and pissed because I made sure this month Id make just enough money to pay rent and live alittle. Now Im 300 dollars fucked. Hopefully I can find a shoot to do that will cover the costs. FUCK.

Tonight Im shooting with Insuh and then just staying in. This weekend The Banner is playing in Philly and in NYC Im also doing a design for them too for next month, silk screened posters for their cd release show. Should be awesome fun! I also have a shoot with Eric Scott this week infront of an old beat up dinner I do believe, which should rule also. Im also hanging out with Tim again which should be fun.

haha I hope someone counts how many times I said awesome in this post, its alot!

I am a vampire

2008-06-11T12:23:00.000-07:00

HOLY FUCKING HELL.

So yesterday was my shoot for Tripp NYC. For those of you (like me) who dont know what Tripp NYC is, it is the clothing company made and sold by Trash and Vaudeville. And if you dont know what that means then youve never been to St. Marks, and their for you suck. Obviously I suck, because I didnt put 2 and 2 together. Tripp is also sold online, and in other stores like Hot Topic and yatta yatta.

I got to the shoot at 9:30am and was there till 7pm talk about a fucking WORK OUT. Their were 5 other female models there along with 2 male models (one of whom I may or many not have givin my number to...haha) I had to do about 50 different outfits not even counting the skirts and pants I had to model as well (just bottom shots) Janis from Make up forever, did my make up and I looked bad ass as fuck, and of course me being anal as hell I did my own hair. It was seriously the most fun outrageous hilarious shoot ever.

The photos are going into their catalog, website, and I think some are being hung in the St, Marks store! The catalog is also going to be destributed to different stores so that they can order whole sale items to sell in their stores, which means my face is going to be fucking all over the place! BAD ASS!

Im really really excited about all this exposure and it just made me want to model more, on top of that getting paid great and getting FREE FUCKING CLOTHES! Is also a top notch awesome thing as well.

After my shoot since I was in the neighborhood, I went and got Ama from work. Not before I prank called her though hahaha.. I made her run across the store to get the phone as I watched from my car and died laughing. I love that girl. We then drove into Williamsburg ACK to go to Chia to get Thai food to go (Chia is one of my FAVORITE Thai places!) After we went to C town by her apartment to get stuff to make Amalia's famous purple polkadoted pasta salad so after we were done eating Thai we had that which was sooo good!!! Then we watched 40 year old virgin which I had to turn off towards the end because awkward sex scenes in movies make me REALLY uncomfortable and have anxiety haha. Then I went home to my 400 degree apartment.

The rest of this week I shall be slaving at the woodshop to make extra money so I can buy retarded art supplies for my massive undertaking this summer. I decided that if the art ed department here isnt going to give me a show at the end of my million years here I shall have to do it myself. Thus Im going into mass production on not only the Non Virgin Mary wall hanging sculptures which I have yet to post and photograph but also, Nazi Rats, Tattooed Rats, Virgins in bath tubs of blood, and TONS of more insane sculptures, prints, wall reliefs, paintings and more more more. I think im going to call the show something to do with ADD because obviously I cant stick to one medium I will master them all.

Friday I have a pin up sailor shoot which will be ubber fun! And then saturday I have a shoot for a Bettie Paige style Fetish website and then Sunday is the Alumni clothing shoot.

this music video fucking RULES

In two weeks Im PRAYING that I can still go to St.Louis, Tay is being a real fucker about calling me back with all the info...grrrr....

Im just in this crazy mood lately that I cant get out of. I just want to work work work! Which I will be but never the less...I am restless and want more out of my life then what I am getting right now I guess. I just want camp to start and for all my troubles to melt away in the faces of those little bastards I love to teach.

I also wish I was back in Norway with Ili, Glenn and Marius because it was so fun there and not 200 degrees outside! I miss being around Ili my little burito of love!!! hahaha.

A photo from my shoot with L-stop

Mr. No is sleeping in his office, and I love him for that..hahaha. Im casting a mold right now so back to work I go!

Snacks

2008-05-31T16:31:00.000-07:00

So Ive been in a super fog/daze lately and its showing. My mom is like constantly angry at me because as of right now Im broker then hell...but we'll see what comes of it all.

Apparently Im going to the Bahamas this weekend?...um yeah...haha my moms obviously gone INSANE.

Im also going to St. Louis for a few days too at the end of June. So this really is the year of exploration as Id always hoped it would be. Seriously fuck everywhere thats well...here?

Im in Philly right now and have been for the past few days. I had a shoot in Cherry Hill and it just made sense to just stay down here. So I got to go out and get trashed with Kathy, hang out with Regis, and run around kickin it old school with Blur.

I feel so uneasy. Im in such a weird state of limbo with everything. I just think its that summer annex getting to me. Soon it will subside and things will settle down...Ugh my life.

Right now Im in Regis's house cleaning and hanging out with Snacks, Regis's Shiba. Hes the cutest dog in the world and I want to steal him but Regis would throw a bag over my head a beat me to death Im sure hahah hes such a little jem!

Just you

2008-05-20T23:57:00.000-07:00

So the rest of my Norway vacation was of course as epic as it should. My last night there we went to a football game ( soccer) and it was fucking AWESOME, in this HUGE area style place and the Fredikstad team totally wooped ass! Later Marius brought over all this black metal like Emperor and Mayhem and other such great goodies haha. All night we had to take turns with everyone else to play the metal because no one else wanted to hear it which I personally found insane, as did Marius haha.

After tons of drinking at Glenns I thought that 1am meant the night was over...because my flight got screwed up so I had to leave the next day...but ohhhh NO haha. We went to a bar where Marius kept telling me one more beer! One more!! haha so I got really drunk and felt super chubby because beer makes me feel fat. While at the super insanely crowded bar I held to Marius for dear life because all these weirdos started trying to talk to me and were like AMAZED that I was from New York and all this weird crap haha it was awesome.

Finally we got home around 4 and I decided since I had to leave in two hours to just stay up and clean a bit around the house. So I did..

My flight home was me slipping in and out of reality for 8 hours.

Oh yeah did I mention I got my neck tattooed? HAHAHAH. FUCK. Its the best tattoo in the world..pictures soon.

When I got to Jersey I went and stayed at my moms which was a nice change. I can only stay there for short periods of time because with the divorce and all the house is just to tense for me to live in.

I just got back to NYC today which was awesome, it started with me locking myself out of my apartment and not being able to get in for 5 hours, thank got my neighbors are cool and Gretchen is the best roommate in the world.

I also found these two random chairs on the side of the road in NJ saturday. BAD ASSS!!!

Ive been doing more and more thinking about just everything going on with me...and Im going to be alright, Regis was right.

This weekend I have the shoot with Lstop and then afew more shoots later in the week so Im really happy to start working more again I cant wait to do some insane shit. Im also supposed to be modeling for this clothing company called Trapp NYC who makes some really awesome shit and the pictures are supposed to be going up in their St Marks store I believe so BAD ASS. I also have some shoots lined up with some corset companies and afew vintage clothing companies along with finishing up this stuff for Jimi with Alumni! So WORK WORK WORK from now on!

I also have some INSANE art ideas that ive been working on since I got home...MORE SOON!

BAD ASS

2008-05-14T04:21:00.000-07:00

So...WOW the past two days have been like just mind blowing. Everytime I think this place cant get any better it just does haha.

Tuesday Ili got sick so Glenn and I went over the boarder to Sweden to go do some shopping. We went into this HUGE candy store where needless to say I lost my mind.. haha I got the biggest bag of candy ever and some Swedish chocolates for my mom.

Glenn gets bitch slaped by the Hasbro bear

In Swedish "Buy first, Taste later!" hahahaha

Then we saw this fucking awesome Porn shop that sold Giant law aniamls infront of it!

And this place was also right next to a candy store as well..hahaha

Later Ili was feeling better so we went to the old part of Fredikstien to walk around and it was really pretty. We also got pizza at a pizza place..and being from brooklyn it wasnt ANYTHING like American or New York pizza...but it was still good for what it was.

YESTERDAY

We went into Oslo to meet up with "Dr.Mongo" Glenns friend who is like the most bad ass old school punk dude in the world who apparently knows Turbonegro and all this crazy insane bands. We took the train into town which was Ilis first train ride ever! We also took the train through Moss which is this town that smells awful..ugh..its like Jersey City hahaha. We got into Oslo and got coffee at this place called Soft Bar which was from the 40s and was bad ass as hell, then we met up with him and took the bus too the vikin ship museum.

Ilis first time on a train!

Ilis feelings on Moss hahaha

These are some pictures from the viking ship museum. Their were three boats all together used as burial boats. Two were for men and one was for a woman and her slave girl. Their was all kinds of crazy shit in the museum and some really inspiring carved images.

After the sweet ass viking stuff we walked over to the Kon Tiki museum. This guy would build boats and reinact voyages to see if it was possible if early people from South Africa could sail to Peru and stuff like that..it was pretty wild.

He also went to Easter Island and brought back this artifact...haha the early verison of plugs..haha

Later we took the ferry over to the center of Oslo to go to this bar Last Train which was a punk bar that Turbo played along with a mess of other famous punk bands..it was pretty insane.

After afew drinks and grabbing some sandwitchs we went and too the subway (which was above ground...weird) to this INSANE park where their was naked dude statues everywhere and this likd giant statue of a bunch of naked people pilled on eachother hahaa.

HAHAH HOW INSANE IS THAT! Seriously this place rules...

So then we took the subway to the middle of no where in the Death Metal woods haha. It was so evil looking it was fantastic. We walked about a mile to see this church that about 3 years ago a bunch of Metal kids burned down...haha but then the town rebuilt it to look exactally the same..but thats still super bad ass. This is also like 9:30pm so obviously it never gets fucking dark here!

Then we started to hear this like INSANE death metal music and like weird shit so we walked further into the woods and stumbled apon the Conan game release party haha their were people riding horses and dressed like vikings it was so bad ass! We got kicked out by security and just looked on from the outside

Then after all the maddness we went on the train back into town to eat at this Mexican place which was pretty good. Then we went to have drinks at this Tiki bar haha. Then we got back to Fredikstien around 1:30 and I totally assed out haha.

Today were gunna just hang around town again and Glenns gunna tattoo me haha. Because lets face it, staying in the house of a well known tattoo astist it Norway it would just be stupid to not get some work done while im out here..so Im gunna get something really awesome that he and I have been drawing out together haha.

Im also staying here now till the 20th instead of the 17th. FUCK YEAH

Kocs and porno

2008-05-11T22:12:00.000-07:00

Its not really sunday, its Monday here at 7:30 am

So today were going to Sweden for the day. But its not real Sweden more like boot leg just over the boarder type stuff haha. Apparently theirs all these stores where you can buy candy("kocs" in Norwegian or "kodies" in Swedish) and porn in the same place haha and Glenn thinks its like the best shit ever so we have to go because its probably amazing then. Glenn was telling me stories about how dads will go in there with their kids and be like.."uhh pick out some candy" and then they run and buy porn while the kids are distracted hahaa...amazing.

Later tonight were heading over to Maris's house to get more drunk again and because apparently he downloaded all this Norwegian black metal to culture Ili and I...hahahah FUCK YES.

Its really hard to type on this keyboard because some of the keys are Norwegian characters so its like...uhh..fuck. like this one! ø haha.

Tomorrow we head into Oslo the capital city to do some shopping and other various things like the viking museum which Im SOOO excited about! I might call my friends Beatrix and her sister up to see if they want to hang out too, I met them in NYC last year and they were crazy awesome girls so that might happen I dont know yet.

Everyday since Ive gotten here Ive been waking up at 7am on the dot. Which sucks. I keep having nightmares and wake up really upset or just sad.. I keep thinking about Regis and how it is better that were not together anymore but at the same time I miss him alot... Also Maris constantly talking about how awesome his time in Japan and China was to visit his fiance really doesnt help either, because of course I just think of Regis and how much he wants to go to Japan and never come back...then also seeing Ili and Glenn so happy and so inlove can only remind me of the saddness I feel knowing that shit wont be working out for me for a long time, till this curse has lifted.

But at the same time its really refreshing to see two people so into eachother so I guess its a good thing in the end.

Im seriously just like still shocked that Im even here in Norway, I honestly dont want to come back to the US because theirs nothing really there for me..I mean seriously whats the point? My moms taking care of the rats and I still have alot of money because Glenn refuses to let me or Ili pay for anything...its like fuck.. So Im going to stay here an extra few days I think because all this sad shit is really putting a damper on me and this trip though I am having a fantastic time and Ili and Glenn are great along with everyone else Ive met. I still cant help but think about it all and just need to stop it.

I just cant wait for today to begin and for us to run around like mad doing all kinds of weird shit in Sweden haha. This place is just insane, everyone is like...metal as hell or just really really big and scarey hahaha.

Iron bird of death

2008-05-10T16:35:00.000-07:00

So thursday I got to the airport and left for Olso Norway. The flight was INSANE everyone was either Metal as hell, a baby or really old. The flight was 6 hours long and just really really long, because the dude next to me was creepy as hell and Nowiegian as FUCK and asked me if I needed a ride from the airport, where I was going, who I was meeting and kept insisting on giving me a ride...hahaha. the also 300 babies on the plane didnt make it any easier either one was behind me and kept kicking my seat. In my madness I actually elbowed the seat hard as hell and then a woman like made this "oh my!" noise and I realised their was a baby on her lap...my bad hahah. Thus my whole flight I got no sleep and watched 27 Dresses and Step it up 2 the streets.

I got here at 9:30AM their time which was like...2am our time. I was exhausted and felt like garbage. I got to immigration and they wouldnt let me in the country at first. I handed the dude my passport and he asked me if I was famous, I said no and he told me to remove my sunglasses haha. Then they were like freaking out asking me all these questions and because I didnt know Glenn (Ilis fiance) address they made me wait in this room and were just like talking shit about me basically until finally a half hour later I was aloud to go!

(Glenn and Ili)

(me and Ili in Glenns house)

Ili and Glenn picked me up and it was AWESOME the whole time here weve been making insane jokes, drinking heavily and just being outrageous. Seriously I love her to death and Glenn is amazing for her so its perfect. My first night here I was so sick and tired from jet lag I threw up, which was followed by heavy drinking with Maris and some of Glenns other friends haha...

Today we went to a music fest in a town outside Freidikstain where Im staying, it was called Dead hippies in the park...hahahaha. It was in this park which looked dark and evil as hell and everyone was so metal and black. Glenns pop punk band the oowies played and it was awesome haha. I swear to god this is the most outrageous place ever.

After the show we hung out at Maris's house to hang out and drink

We also defaced his bathroom with toothpaste..haha

The next few days Ill spend walking around Freidikstain and then tuesday (after the holiday thats going on right now) we will go to Oslo to see the viking stuff and other various things.

While here Ive learned some Norwiegian sayings and some Spanish (so Ili and I can talk too without people understanding us like they do to us!) hahaha. This trip is insane. I love it.

Walk away.

2008-05-06T16:56:00.000-07:00

So today I started a search for an awesome book to read on the plane for my trip. I didnt want anything too "girly" like Fat Bitch you know one of those secret message go Vegan or die books.( and hell for the record Id like to be a Vegan but I fucking LOVE macaroni and cheese to much..sorry :[) Richard and I began talking and he managed to turn the question around on me, "what books should I read" he said. Hahah I told him that didnt answer my question at all, and no where we sit internet to internet stumped as to a book for this journey. He then sent me a post about books on the beloved Nj Scene Board and I swear to god if I was ever a member of that thing Id probably become like the Misfits TV casualty haha. Their was one post a kid wrote about a book caled The Freedom Manifesto by Tom Hodgkinson. Hodgkinson wrote How to be Idle a book about basically no longer giving a fuck and the art of napping haha. Id always wanted to read it because just hearing the reviews my Existential radar kicked in that this book was somehow in relation to all things I know at love. However.. I know how to nap already and Im pretty self actualized so I didnt need a self help book so much. But The Freedom Manifesto is about how to act on these already realized motives. Which is something I do need ALOT OF FUCKING HELP doing. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and know how to get there... but Id rather just sit on the couch and eat vegan cup cakes from Atlas. Thus I went to Barnes and Noble today and picked up a copy and began to read it on the train.

Already by the 2nd page I could tell this was a totally existential book at Hodgkinson leads readers into the ideals of such a life VERY well. Its not smacking it in your face calling you dumb if you dont already know, but baby steping you into a better life with a little punch. I cant wait to read the rest of it on the plane I know if I keep reading it now Ill be done with it by Thursday and will have nothing to read!

Over the pond

2008-05-06T11:29:00.000-07:00

The TSA website for what you can and cant have in your baggage has a section that says the following...

Martial Arts & Self Defense Items

Item Carry-on Checked
Billy Clubs No Yes
Black Jacks No Yes
Brass Knuckles No Yes
Kubatons No Yes
Mace/Pepper Spray - One 118 ml or 4 Fl. oz. container of mace or pepper spray is permitted in checked baggage provided it is equipped with a safety mechanism to prevent accidental discharge. For more information visit www.faa.gov., click on Passengers, then Preparing to Fly. No Yes
Martial Arts Weapons No Yes
Night Sticks No Yes
Nunchakus No Yes
Stun Guns/Shocking Devices No Yes
Throwing Stars No Yes
NOTE: Any sharp objects in checked baggage should be sheathed or securely wrapped to prevent injury to baggage handlers and Security Officers.

I cant bring my THROWING STARS on the plane but I can check them...thank goodness!

My trip is in two days and Im kinda freaking out. I have SOO many things to do before I go. Yesterday I went to Rickys to get hair dye to redo my hair so me and Ili look like little red twins haha. I got in a fight with a Queen who worked at the Rickys, like seriously if you hate your job quit... for real.

I was expecting to get 400 dollars for a bondage shoot I was suposed to do tomorrow. But the photographer just got knee surgery afew weeks ago and still hasnt totally recovered so that SUCKS. But atleast later I can use the money to pay rent. So we rescheduled for after I come back.

I have so many shoots when I get home Oh God...Bronx Ties for this bondage site, Eric Scott for this Diner thing, this dude Steven for a Tattoo book, L stop doing this Warriors meets Mad Max AWESOME shit, Shooting with Insuh for Alumni and another shoot with this guy David for Tattoo Life Magazine. Its just alot especially RIGHT when I get back. Ive also been talking to My Baby Jo a Pin up clothing site about doing some work for them too.

Im happy though I like to keep busy especially doing what I love to do.

Ive also decided what Im doing for my birthday this year. Its going to be OUT OF CONTROL! yeah yeah yeah I know its in November..but when youre a party queen like me, theirs not better time to get ready for this shit then 7 months prior haha.

So some things about Norway.
-It will be 65 degrees the whole time Im there.
-The sun SETS at 9:30 PM FUCKING PM!!!
-Their are 354 lakes
-Its going to rule.

Viva La Resistance!

2008-05-02T12:11:00.000-07:00

Le Royal, me and the New Jersey now New York favorite hoes of mine.

So things finally exploded between my roommate Jess and I. I just lost it. I havent had a violent rage fit in about 3 years, and now its just all started all over again. I was punching doors and walls, Hulk tossed a chair. And now I just feel it, I feel this rage bubbling up in me over and over again, where I dont want to stop. Theirs this heat you feel before your about to knock someone out, this just like warm wave and then you get really light headed, its like some kind of drug.

Its fightening that I know I could really hurt someone, I need to find a way to control this deep heat in me. Thus Ive totally stoped talking to Jess all together, because I fear not just for her but for myself.

Im basically all done with school and it feels awesome. As soon as I handed in my last paper I went to the woodshop and worked up a storm plaster casting and cutting out of this obnoxious mustard yellow plexi glass a victorian style shaped frame, its bangin.

I also finished this AMAZING ply wood silk screened Jesus mess I did and its fucking awesome, pictures soon.

So I leave for Norway in 6 days! FUCK!

Im also in the process of figuring out where this package went. Alumni sent me a bunch of stuff to model for them but its lost in the system somewhere and it sucks. So Im fustrated and bummed.

And now my epic paper on how Albert Camus writing for the French Resistance paper "Combat" helped shape his philosophy of existentialism and all his writings there after...hehe. Learn something :]

Scarlett Dancer
WC II

Camus and the Fight for the Absurd

In 1940 Germany defeated France and held it under its thumb. The country of France was then divided into two parts, this was done physically and metaphorically. I say this because yes their was the north and the west but their was also the fallen and the radicals. Due to the time period the newspaper was an all known propaganda machine and because of Germanys watchful eye the voice of freedom of speech was silenced. Thus the revolution of the radicals became a war not of guns and bombs but of words. Secret underground news papers were created to inform readers of the true happenings within the country and other important necessary information which the newspaper was originally used for.

This all brings me to the brave writers who took the chance and still gave a word to the people. Albert Camus was a famous existential writer of this time and took part in a series of underground resistance papers. Though most famous for his books such as "The Stranger" and "The Myth of Sisyphus" the influence of his writing during this time period in these papers is far more effective to the heart of his war wearier readers. We will examine his writings in Combat during WWII and how his writings their would affect his existential works for the rest of his life.

Existentialism itself is a philosophical belief said to have been started by Kierkegaard and Pascal in the early nineteenth century but was truly popularized by Camus, Jean Paul Sartre and Simone de Berauvoir. The belief behind existentialism is that we live in a world of the absurd, a Godless universe. Due to the lack of a transcendent force it is left to man to make his own choices and is responsible. This in turn means that we as individuals create the purpose for our lives, thus throwing away thoughts of fate and destiny because we are to determine those paths on our own. Such terms as the absurd, hopelessness is meaninglessness and nothingness are all important fundamentals to the ideals of existential thinking.

Albert Camus was born in Mondovi Algeria and lived in Algeria most of his life. It would not be till 1938 he would move to France to pursue more writing. In Algeria he was raised by his mother, a cleaning woman who suffered from being not only illiterate but partially blind, had a speech impairment due to a stroke and was partially deaf. Before Albert could turn one his father a agricultural laborer died of infected wounds in the nineteen fourteen Battle of Marne.

"In 1923 Camus won a scholarship to Lycce in Algiers where he would study from 1924 to 1932. Later he got his diploma in Philosophy from the University of Algiers in 1936." ( Todd 54) Soon after his time in school he already had a well known reputation for being a leading writer in Algeria and his reputation was still growing. It was around this time he moved to France and divorced his wife Simone who was a morphine addict. While living in France from 1938 to 1940 he worked for the Alger-REpublican reviewing books by Sartre and other various authors. In 1940 he remarried to a mathematician and pianist Francine Faure and then wrote for Paris-Soir.

This brings us to 1943 where during WWII Camus was a member of the French resistance. Sartre brought Camus into the fold and became an editor for the resistance paper Combat. In 1947 Camus resigned from Combat and published his third novel.

Combat was founded in 1942 for the underground intelligence and sabotage. "Camus carried false papers for traveling in occupied territory and adopted the false identity 'Beauchard'."( Issac 200) He also added in the resistance by smuggling news of the war to the Parisian public through copies of Combat. Camus writings in Combat often called for action in accordance to strong moral principals and it was during this period of his life that he formalized his philosophy: " that no matter how inexplicable existence might be, human life remains sacred. "( Camus, Cruickshank 304) During the occupation in France the paper was printed in Lyon, and then moved to Paris after the Liberation in the summer of 1944. The first Paris edition editorial was written by Camus.

"The Blood of Freedom" is one of the many articles written by Camus in Combat and was the first to be written when the paper moved to Paris. In it Camus explains to readers the importance of action and revolution. This is an excerpt of the article,

"We know this fight too well, we are too involved through our flesh and our hearts to accept this dreadful condition without bitterness. But we also know too well what is at stake to refuse the difficult fate that we must endure alone.
Time will bear witness to the fact that the men of France did not want to kill and that their hands were clean when they entered a war they had not chosen. Their reasons must then have been overwhelming for them suddenly to seize the guns and shoot steadily, in the night, at those soldiers who for two years thought that war was easy.
Yes, their reasons were overwhelming. They are as big as hope and as deep as revolt. " (Camus)

Camus uses ideals of existentialism through this part of the article. His constant reiterations of such things as "we must endure alone", "men of France did not want to" , Their reasons must then have been overwhelming", all are well related to ideals of existentialism. The fact that he talks about the loneliness of man and the choices men have to man in order to sustain life and not leaving things to chance. That these men chose their paths instead of just being drafted and forced to defend their country.

He then later in the article state that,

"And this is why, despite men's suffering, despite the blood and wrath, despite the dead who can never be replaced, the unjust wounds, and the wild bullets, we must utter, not words of regret, but words of hope, of the dreadful hope of men isolated with their fate." (Camus)

Here he begins to go into the perseverance of the human spirit. That through times of adversity we as people can band together and give each other strength. In these times most of them did not share the ideals and views of the existential nor understand them. But this part of the article brings to light once again the ideals of hope and fate not being of an unearthly presence or of some Godly belief but that of the human hope, in not something unworldly but in other people.

While writing for Combat he published two novels The Stranger and The Myth of Sysiphysus and published his third novel La Peste(The Plague), "an allegory of the Nazi occupation of France. His work at Combat greatly influenced his writing for years as a revolutionary and distaste for authority rule." (Todd 302) He also wrote L'Homme Revolet in 1951 which "explores the theories of humanity's revolt against authority." which was inspired by his earlier works at the resistance paper.

The Stranger was to be taken as one of his best and most well known works and been critically examined by many authors. This book went into the main character Mersaults struggle with society and its standards. The book opens with Mersault about to attend his mothers funeral. while there he does not cry and is given strange looks by other people present at the service. This later would greatly affect him in further chapters of the book when he shoots an Arab man and kills him. During his trial the defense and council constantly brings up the fact that he did not show any emotion towards the death of his mother, making him a social outcast. Thus this out casting became their honest intentions for putting Mersault to death not the fact that he did indeed kill another man. This topic of the absurd of existence and man against authority inspired by his Combat writings now becomes a more then ever present theme in his works.

Soon after he then wrote the Myth of Sysiphysus a book of essays devoted to the absurdity of man and suicide. It is here that he begins to explain these points of the absurd and his philosophy behind it all. Then he beings to answer the question which arises in ones self when coming to these realizations "does this realization of the absurd require suicide" and Camus answers these questions with "No, it requires revolt". Which he then compares to the Myth of Sysiphysus a man cursed to push a rock up a mountain for the rest of his life. Camus explains that we should be happy for Sysiphysus because unlike us he has a reason to live.

We now come to The Plague which was published in 1947 which was soon after he left Combat. The writing is about medical workers trapped in finding a cure that is ravaging the Algerian city of Oran. The book constantly brings up the nature of the human condition and the struggle of man. Using this apocalyptic theme he relates back to the war and also its said that the book was inspired by a plague that ravaged Oran in 18494. The novel is also believed to be in relation to the treatment of the French resistance to Nazi occupation in World War II. Thus making is greatly related to his time spent during the war effort.

And finally the last published book written before he died, The Fall. This book is unlike any book Camus had written before. He tells the story of a man whom witnessed a random woman jumping off a bridge committing suicide. This throws his life into a tail spin and he begins to question all life. This leads him into stumbling into a bar, where he sits next to a man who begins to narrate the rest of the book. This character begins to explore these thoughts of the absurdity of man in all forms of life. Such things as the question of friendship come into place such and man does not appreciate anything until he is dead, "Maybe, after all, it doesn't want it enough? Maybe we dont love life enough? Have you ever noticed that death alone awakens our feelings? How we love the friends who have just left us? How we admire their mouths filled with earth!" ( Camus 126)

It was soon after in 1960 Camus died in a car crash. The funny thing about this accident is the story behind it all. Camus was traveling with a friend back to Paris and wanted to take a train because he didn't like cars and felt unsafe in them. His traveling friend convinced him a car would be the best route to go and soon after they were killed in an accident. This just goes to show that Camus not only created existentialism but died in an existential conundrum, he did not go with her personal choice of the train and went against his personal ideals thus lead to his death.

Thus in conclusion I feel as if Camus works in during the French Revolution greatly affected his works their after and the rest of his life. We can see through looking at these works each of them as an underlying theme of the absurdity of man and the need for revolt and revolution in our ever so meaningless existence.

You gotta man

2008-04-25T16:20:00.000-07:00

Things as always are nonstop, I keep moving like a wheel going somewhere undetermined which is fine with me. Id rather not plan out the far future anyways.

So Norway in 14 days...holy fuck I cant believe it! and im still broker then fuck I need to book a million shoots after schools done so I can buy retarded useless shit in another country! haha.

Last Friday Robot Rock

Jason Hate You and Me

Amalia my lurve

Then Wednesday night I went to HV where Ama totally Grim handed my nose haha

Tonight I may or may not be hanging out with Raquel and her boo Jimi I gotta see what the deal is with that.

All last night I stayed up writing one of the best papers Ive written for school in a long time. It was for world World Civ and was 7 pages. It was how Albert Camus writing for Combat (the Frence resistance paper during WWII) Not only affected his work their after but helped him to establish his ideals on existentialism that made him such an innovative author. I know what youre thinking.. WHAT. But hey when youre an expert on a subject writing papers on it is cake, and who doesnt love cake?

Things in life have been pretty okay, school is just stressin me and money and Regis not having a phone or the internet right now makes me sad but at the same time how can I be mad at things out of his control? I just get bummed sometimes because I just want a dude who I can talk to when I wanna talk...haha.

A realisation

2008-04-23T09:51:00.000-07:00

So Im going to fucking NORWAY in 18 days, what the fuck am I doing spending 200 dollars to go to freaking Iowa?

After talking to Rich on the phone earlier today about the whole fucked situation and how Cate refuses to let me in her car for what to me and to all 35 people Ive talked about it with the worst reason ever. I just dont care anymore. I got to see MLIW's last NJ show and thats enough for me, besides Jeff is a narcissist and their will be a reunion Im sure in about 3 years...maybe the Suicide File will play it? haha..

But the American dollar is about 40% the Euro which is not alot, thats less then fucking half! I only have about 500 dollars saved for this trip right now because paper is fucking costly and schools been kicking my ass so my modeling has suffered alot, and being sick having to cancel shoots doesnt help either. So over there ill have 250 euro, which is bullshit, I can get a diet cola and a bag of doritos to last me for 2 weeks haha.

I also have several homework assignments that if I wanted to stay up till 6am tonight doing I need to get done.

So even though I did get a car, and did find a ride today and had the whole situation figured out I just cant aford to do that shit right now. It sucks because I know the show will be retarded fun, but whatever Id rather up the punks in FUCKING Norway then Iowa!

Right now Im at work, in my little booth in the woodshop
BLOW TORCHHHH!!!

haha. So now insted of just eating pizza this week I can buy the paper I need to do the rest of my silk screening homework, Hooray!

Also Ive been going through the various emails Ive gotten for potential new roommates this one is by far the fucking best ever, I almost peed my pants laughing..

Subject: RENT!

Dear three girls:
Elyn and me are both pratt students, female, 24, our major is Interior Design.
One of us is Taiwanese and the other is Chinese.
We like your department and want to share that room together.
Do you mind of that?
We can rent during June and plan to stay for 2 years.
Sincerely,
Jiang Xi

Endless

2008-04-21T19:19:00.000-07:00

So things have been okay lately. As always the drunken rampage has yet to end but I have been getting better from being sick..It might be because of the vodka I drank friday night (which NEVER happends).

Since Ive gotten home from the Philly Tattoo Convention this weekend Ive been super busy working super hard on new designs and paintings for this summer and the end of the semester. I hope I can keep the drive going and bust out all my work and finish this semester without shooting myself in the face.

This weekend is the MLIW show in Iowa, which Im basically fucked for a ride for though I have a ticket...Im still trying to work it out and find a way to get there and its not looking good. I wish things would just work out with me going with Cate, Rich and Jake but it doesnt seem like its going to happen which is really really sucky seeing as how I was at MLIWs first NJ show ever and have a fucking tattoo of the damn band and love their music. Hopefully Kathy will pull through for me and it will be awesome. I havent seen or spoken to her in about a year and she messaged me saying that she wants to try and go to the show and got a ticket so hopefully we can do that because it would be AWESOME to see her and hang out on a forever car ride together and catch up. I just dont want to have to fly out there because it costs 200 more then driving and I need all the money I can pillage for viking helmets in Norway.

So much to do....so much to do...

Time Machine

2008-04-15T18:10:00.000-07:00

So last sunday was the last MLIW NYC show at the Knitting Factory it was pretty epicly awesome. The show went so fast and ended so early it was so strange. The night before I saw the Death Traitors kids silk screening in the Pratt studio and seeing the finished product at the show was pretty fucking awesome. The boys gave me a poster for free which I was stoked about. MLIW played a pretty awesome set, they seemed more tired then usual I was expecting something alittle more...punk I guess you could say, the croud seemed eh..not as much as Id of expected. It was cool though I also got to meet my friend Thorn's girlfriend from Maryland, who Throns says Im now not aloud to hang out with because were trouble haha. After the show we headed back to Kevins house and I got really drunk, it was pretty great.

Monday was the NJ show me and Rich headed there together where we got outrageously lost as fucking retarded. I made posters to sell and sold all but 10 of them and out of 54 thats not bad at all( seeing as how their were 2 other silk screen posters being sold). The show was AWESOME the KOC the show was at was so mint their was no stage and it was just fucking rage everywhere I loved it.

Rich and I...the epic of lostness (trying to find the show)

Posters I silk screened, Rats and Nuns, get into it

My disfunctional little NJ unit of love trust

The Asylum

2008-04-13T11:16:00.001-07:00

So aparently I live in a crazy house, filled with crazy people doing insane things that lack common sense and rationality. A world where the world isnt real and everything is made of some squishy fabric Ive yet to determine.

Yes, obviously this is the place where I live.

As if matters couldnt get any worse within the past week, my father trying to kill my mother, my questionable relationship, school being EPIC FAIL, now I have to deal with this shit.

Im sure youre wondering, what the fuck are you talking about...eh? Well I myself still cant find the proper words to describe the situation but I guess I will try. So last night at a party my roommate ATTACKED one of my dear friends infront of a house full of people and was screaming about all this nonsense. Someone literally had to PULL her off of my friend and threw her across the room. Im so embarassed and ashamed that this is suposed to be my best friend, my ROOMMATE. Seriously I wish I had a normal life..where shit like this didnt happen. I think she was coked up, I hope thats her reason so I can call her a drug addict, even though she never does drugs.

Oh did I mention I have pnuemonia again? Yes so Im sick as hell..but last night I sat infront of the front door till 6am waitin for her to come home so I could rip her face off. This is what I have to deal with when Im sick, tired, battered and bruised from my friends..nonsense.

I had a make up apointment for a girl yesterday and had to cancel it because I was so sick, and today I had a photo shoot with Keith for Yo Gretchen clothing and had to cancel that too because Im dying. Which really sucks because Id like to have had that money for Norway...or more booze.

The last week Ive been on a drunken rampage and staying out till 4-6am everynight and as a result im dying sick now. Ive spent most of the money I made from selling those Modern Life is War hand silk screen posters on booze. But what Id really like is some bubble tea. mmm.. Ive been rolling with the usual crew which is nice, I enjoy Mikey and Stevens company, I only wish Jyan was out more with us insted of watching Freakazoid all the time haha.

I want this Tarina Tarintino necklace, but in black of course.

Ive also been super lurking this AMAZING artist on the myspace named C.C. And decided that for my thigh piece Id like to start next year I want to get this tattooed on me and get "My love is blind" written across it . I think its the fucking sickest painting ever. He also has prints made up of it as well theirs 250 all together and their 100 dollars each because their on this crazy German paper... Im totally thinking of getting one!

I just dont understand why things have to be so insane all the time..I wish my life was like a lazy river.

More pictures from earlier this week soon

Thats the spirit

2008-04-10T19:58:00.000-07:00

Last night I did something I normally dont do very often. Hell something I never do. I decided insted of staying home and hiding by myself until the worst has blown over to go out to High Voltage to see some friends and get really really, REALLY drunk. I took the trains and did that whole thing and it was spitting outside, I hate when its like half ass rain. I didnt head to the club right away insted I just wandered around the LES until finally I was starting to get so soaking wet I went and found The Annex. I got there and no one was there yet so I just sat alone and drank it was nice. All these dudes kept stairing at me and I was just laughing outloud at them because it was just hilarious to me.

Then like a wave out of no where Kate walks in, then Kelsey, Jason, Ama, Steve, Mike.. the whole little rat pack. And then to my greatest suprise Nick was there! who is my favorite gay in the world because hes just outrageous. We sat in this little VIP nook thing that we always manage to take over and just drank...drink, after drink, after drink. Until finally was so trashed I was just bumbling around. While I was there Steve and Mike introduced me to Lindsey and her boyfriend Michael from Vancouver.

Mike does all this insane weird cartoon graphic art stuff and its pretty bad ass. If you look at the picture you can see Lindsey in there too! Me and Mike decided that were going to do a collaboration together. Make sure to go check out some more of his stuff at his blogger at www.michaelshantz.blogspot.com

Today I woke up feeling awful, my belly and head were just a mess so I didnt go to my Observational study which Im totally going to get fucked for, but right now I really dont care.

I have been really struggling with my heart right now..I just miss him so much.

Summers Revenge

2008-04-08T18:10:00.000-07:00

I used to have dreams. I still do, I just want a normal life where things dont have to be epic and outrageous. The past 72 hours have been blowing my mind with nonstop small explosions in my brain. It hurts so bad that I know the world around me is crashin everything and everyones falling apart. But in this day and age everyone thinks theyre something theyre not and everyones opinion of others is fucked by other peoples ideals and views and the cycle just goes and goes..no one knows how theyre precieved or who they even are though all the mirrors on mirrors.

This by the way has nothing to do with modeling or dudes or any of that stuff.. its about family, my disfunctional little unit of the monster who has a constant meeting with a bottle, the seasonal mess and a sister caught in the middle.

Today I just sat, I sat on Jaci's couch in New Brunswick NJ for the whole day from 10 this morning until 6 pm when I left to come back to the city. I sat there and just thought about my life..and how I wish I could just live on that couch forever. I felt so sick so disgusted with how fucked my life is I wanted to throw up, and before I actually did I left. I just want someone to care about at the end of the day. Im sick of my reputation but I cant help it that everyone in my life leaves, and that everyone that says is there for the wrong reasons, boys Ive loved, girlfriends who have betrayed my trust which they will never regain, guy friends who have just wanted in the end to try and fuck me, girls who just want free shit. The only person I can depend on for every emotional need you have to get from another person I have to give myself it seems. Just put me in a box and send me into the sea already. Because I cant live this life anymore.

Today is the 5 year anniversary of my two front teeth getting knocked out in lacrosse, it happend this very evening my Jr year of highschool. Ive had gold front crowns ever since. So I guess it really goes to show Ive worn this fake smile for a long time now..

I got your letter

2008-04-05T18:48:00.001-07:00

So my mom wrote me this email today..haha just so that you understand who raised me and why Im insane, Im sure this will clear a lot up haha..

"Hi monkey I hope you are praticing safety and safe sex aids is on the rise in your age group, I no you are shaking your head and think I'am crazy but I can live with that, I just can't live without you, anyway one more month and you will be speaking with a accent, I found a braclet you should give your sister for graduation. its sooooooo her. Did you get my message you are overdrafted stop it now or else. Call me I want to yell at you see you soon my pet!

love your loving caring thoughtful pretty
mom ;]"

Hahah so yeah, my favorite part is the "Call me I want to yell at you" haha.

This week things have been fucking insane. I finally got done tonight with the posters for the MLIW show in Netkong on monday FEWF! Glad thats over! It was awesome some chick when I was done told me she was going to the show and asked if she could buy one right now haha awesome?! So I know they will sell and I know my life will rule HOORAY PAYING THE RENT!

Last night was Colleens birthday dinner/dancing outting. We went to this place Lil' Frankies to eat and apparently they ran out of chairs and the manager for the evening kept screaming on his phone that it was the worst day of his life hahaha of course Im the only one who saw this all happening with my good luck. After getting trashed on red wine at dinner we went to this rockabilly bar for a bit and then me and Amalia headed over to the Trash party Steven and Mike were hosting. We get there and Im bombarded by people who I havent seen in forever which was really nice. Got filmed talking and making terrible faces for some video and then was met by suprise that while I was waiting for the bathroom some dude recognized me and was like "Are you Scarlett O'Dancer!" hhaha I was like...uh.... and ran away hahaha.

Later I got SOO DRUNK that I couldnt go home by myself so I ended up crashing at Jyans and Stevens watching episodes of Freakazoide all night long till 6:30 am haha.

Tonight Rich and Jake are coming up for a secret show. I also plan on getting drunk again tonight

Tomorrow is the Knitting Factory last MLIW show which I shall also get drunk at

The mondays the NJ show and guess what!? gettin drunk hahaha.

I love booze. Pictures soon

Pissed off.

2008-04-01T11:34:00.000-07:00

So lately ive been in a kind of existential crisis. I dont understand how at art schools, like Pratt they can expect you to try and maintain an A average but at the same time want you to produce large quanities of art? So kids rush through projects to meet deadlines, rush through papers and in the end feel exhaused and unfufilled. Thats how I feel, unfufilled, its in the same category of the feeling of having sex that lasts about a minute, haha. Youre just kinda like ah...bother... So I pay 40,000 dollars a year to get fucked for a minute. I can see why so many kids here are insane, theirs no way to balance school and your creative outlet at once. I thought that was the point of art school to be able to do art and get good grades for it.. not have all these useless projects with little to no relation to who I am as a person or artist, things that take me back insted of going foward.

Also where the fuck does all the money go!? Not into paying the teachers, or the facilities I can tell you that much, no it goes into buying sculptures for the lawn and to feed the cats. My question is why dont they put up the art by the students, youd think like, we go to a FUCKING ART SCHOOL DUHH. I think that would save money? right? Insted of paying 30,000 Dollars to install bird houses done by some uppity art snob infront of the studios that make crazy loud obnoxious bird noises. Seriously am I insane?

Today I took the girls out of their cage and was leting them hang out with me while I did the final touches to the screens for the MLIW last NJ show posters. I honestly think its one of the best designs ever, and I really think that Im starting to define my own personal style when it comes to cartoon esq. images like the ones I draw. Ill keep running with the rat theme for a while, throwing them into random things I do. I think Im going to start doing some paintings of my cats AND my rats together haha. I also have several ideas for brand new wall reliefs that I can mass produce and sell. Life is all about mass production my friends.. I just want to make a dime in this damn world so I can pay back the quick fuck tuition I pay.

yeah..I got a rat tail..haha

Rough design for MLIW last show 5 color silk screen

7 color silk screen virgin rat poster

Ive got your number

2008-03-30T19:03:00.000-07:00

So my hair is pretty epic but not really haha. its a half mohawk, mullet extravaganza! I wish the lighting in my apartment wasnt so terrible right now so you could see the color but you get the idea i think...

I left it long a bit so I can put in clip in exstentions if I want so I can keep doing pin up modeling and keep rolling my hair and stuff. I seriously have such ADD I want to look different everyday it seems, but I just am so many different things to only be one is so boring! haha. Its also now warm enough to wear my new leather jacket, so I offically look outrageous!

So artistically right now things have been SUPER BUSY! Ive made some different silk screen posters that Ill be selling, along with starting this epic painting for Regis's house.

This weekend was the Cat Walk Tradgey show in Philly, I met up with Sharon TK there and Debbi. I got there super late after getting SOO LOST and having to pee so badly I had to squat behind a dumpster in south Philly that said Bruce on it hahahaha.. god..my life. So I missed the whole show pretty much but 3 dollar Jack and Cokes brought up my spirits.

Thursday (atleast I think it was thursday) I went to the Cancer Bats, Jerk City, Mongoloids and Reign Supreme show at the Knitting Factory it was good to see some Jersey folk around for a change. Of course I was drinking, and conversations were hilarious.

My passport also finally came in the mail for my trip to Norway! I havent updated mine since I was younger so hopefully they kept it in the same book and it will still have my stamps from England and Italy and such.

Ive also been trying to decide what tattoo to get while Im out there. Seeing as how Glene, Ili's fiance owns a shop out there it seems only fitting that I get atleast SOMETHING?! Right? haha. So I think Im going to get little good luck cats behind my ears..

I did this painting afew years ago, its canvas with acrylic, ink and rubber print stamps on it. Its of my cat Tiger who passed away when I was in highschool and my cat Phoenix that I have now. Ive wanted to get it either on my wrists above my You and I tattoo, back of my ankles or behind my ears and I think behind my ears would be killer so Im going to do it haha.

This week is going to be jam packed with stuff to do for school and work. I also have a shoot for a clothing company next saturday, ughh so much to do!

4th of July

2008-03-26T18:50:00.000-07:00

So yesterday while in the school cafeteria I heard my friend Nicole singing in the backround, her new video for her song Maybe Tonight was on MTV and playing while I was eatting haha. It was so wild! Shes a fantastic singer and shes just fantastic. Honestly take a listen its fucking sweet. myspace.com/nicoleatkins

This weekend Im dying my hair, the final step in my spring "make over" on top of that I have a shoot with Debbi for some clothing company so that should be pretty rad. I have afew shoots coming up so hopefully Ill make enough money to bring with me to Norway and spend on retarded tattoos and weird dumb shit, MUST BRING BACK VIKING HELMETS!

Im just so exhausted from today, between sculpting these virgin mary statues for casting, writen homework, booking shoots, working at the shop and silkscreening posters and patches I am just fucking dead ass tired. Tonight Im going to bed early so I can stop feeling like walking death.

Ive decided to take up skate boarding again hehe. Because I watch the kids outside of the studio while Im on my smoke break and I just get so jealous. I still have a displaced piece of bone in my left ring finger from my accident when I was younger but still Im like fuck it, up the punks?

I also started to watch this movie "Wrist Cutters" last night it was pretty awesome it just came out March 25th. Me and Regis had to stop watching it because we were both in a terrible mood because I cant watch a movie in my own house on my own dvd player but everyone else can. Ugh. So whatever. But the movie is awesome so far..

Hahahah Jess is super excited to take her pills right now because their red and pink, shes skipping around its pretty hilarious haha.

Also since Desiree my sister is moving out soon my friend Julia from Boston might be moving in with us in May! Fuck YES!

Where am I going with this?

2008-03-20T22:17:00.000-07:00

Tonight I am drunk, therefore shall write ever drunkenly!...

I got basically 0.5% percent of the work I needed to do done thus far for break. I AM SO FUCKED. haha.
However on the bright side I have been hanging out with Regis the past week nonstop and its pretty awesome. I buy him Peeps, that boy loves his Peeps and it is after all Peep season. Seriously Ive gained about 15 pounds alone from the constant movie watching a Peepery. Any man who wakes you up at 6am saying "yah but its a sweet car" over and over again from Grandmas boys is definitely someone I will throw away my figure for and eat Peeps with.

I gave myself a haircut, slightly drunk of course and its pretty cool haha. I will be going more epic when I get back to NJ so I can use my double mirror skills so I can get the back of my head just right. But otherwise, I love drunken haircut.

I keep second guessing myself in a lot of ways and hanging out tonight with Bill Cashman made me happy yet sad all at once. He reminded me of my horror and fear of commitment and relationships. And of course thinking of all of these things drunk in a house filled with bike "cupcake" punks isnt always the best of settings so I left and headed home. So here I sit in my knit boots and drunk hair cut sorta bummin out.

While in my exhile/bliss in Philly I picked up this fantastic dress from this woman who works at an antiques place off of South Street. It honestly looks like a dress Lydia Deetz from Beetle Juice would wear. Its a 50's short sleve a line cut dress and has black on black stripes going across it. This spring im going to kick ass with my army of outrageous 40's/50's sundresses. I swear no one will want to date me haha.

Also while down in Philly I hung out with Danielle and Kimmy Monster all day and night on saturday which was awesome seeing as how since Danielle has moved to Boston I never see here. Honestly not for nothing I hate Boston and though I do love her, I just cant go there and visit her. I just hate walking three feet in the wrong direction and getting lost. Give me grid patterns damn you!

Spring break 98!

2008-03-11T15:08:00.000-07:00

So after this week Im free from the maddness that is my scheduel from hell.

But yet theirs more! I still have a lot to do in not that much time, lots and lots of things to do! So I decided to outline my break here in a nice little informative scheduel so I can make sure all these things get done:

Thursday night- Leave for Regis's
Friday- Go to Monster Mania Horror Con in Cherry Hill! Potentially get trashed out of my mind. Give Caity her painting!
Saturday-Hang out at Regis's and do homework for World Civ.
Sunday- Go to Monster Mania Horror Con again with Regis, Kimmy and Rob. Head back to the dirty dirty Jerz
Monday- Back in New Jersey, take care of a bunch of things.
Tuesday-Back to NYC Silk Screen, Print up Back Patch for Ashleigh (Thanks girl!)
Wednesday-High Voltage
Thursday- Hangin outtt Silk Screen school work!
Friday- Back to New Jersey, hair cut/dye time!
Saturday-Surf Night w/ Sea Devils, The Beat Rats, The Coffin Daggers & Buck Brothers at the lanes with Kimmy
Sunday-Leave NJ back to NYC

So lets hope I get things done and over with. I have a lot ahead of me and not much time to do it all in. I feel like my life is an epic video game. Bah!

Ive been thinking a lot about New Jersey lately and sometimes how I miss home so bad. I guess doing Caity's painting really did it for me because she and I have a long on and off history there. Ive come to the conclusion that I will love NJ for the scenery but thats about it.

Caitys painting

The work was done with Chipboard, acrylic, gloss, hot glue, wood, wood glue, rope,canvas, and candle wax.

Each piece of the painting is hand made. The candles are made from chipboard and other materials each individually hand crafted. The wood crosses are also hand cut and made. The painting is also done to the very last detail including the puffed off blood tear from her eye. I hope Caity likes it!

We are this unholy war, we are the fighting dead

Keep on Churnin'

2008-03-10T10:03:00.000-07:00

Oh today, what a epic fail.

The past few weeks have been maddness apon maddness.. but I keep going still pushing on amazingly enough. If their was a God Id thank him for Regis because that boy keeps me sane.

Today I totally ate it, I slept through my presentation for my Child and Adolscent Development class. FUCK. My phone is all screwed up and just dies now, its sad because Ive had that phone forever its practially an antique. I also didnt finish one of my prints for Silk Screen due today and my other one is missing. So Denis is going to bite my head off and Im going to feel like garbage for the rest of the day...harumph..

Shoot with Insuh for Nolexus hats (ill never spell that name right haha)

This weekend I suprised Regis and arrived in Philly a day early because Im a little sneek haha. Saturday I went to dinner with Kimmy Monster on South St to Horizons a Vegan spot down on 8th. It was pricey as hell but good as fuck, I was tricked how ever because when I ordered a coke it was organic, and I hate organic soda haha give me that shit that melts tar I love it. After dinner we went to the Troc to see the Horrorpops. They were pretty awesome amazingly enough Ive never seen them play before. I know alot of "real" rockabilly kids think that the Horrorpops arent "real" rockabilly, most of them feel that way about bands like Madsin and Tiger Army but I honestly couldnt care less its a different sound they dont even try to sound like authentic rockabilly in my personal opinion so I dont see what the big deal is.. After getting 4 Jack and cokes deep we met up with Rob (not Austin haha) headed over to Charlies Pub down the street where Regis works. After having a drink or three there we headed over to Sugar Mom's where Regis met us after he got out of work. Anthony, a kid who worked there gave me a drink for free and it was honestly the biggest Jack and Coke Id ever seen in my life it was seriously like massive. After drinking this monster of a drink I was feeling fantastic! Then we all headed home.

Sunday due to day light savings which is fucking me up all over the place I missed Ilana's birthday brunch and feel god awful about it. And if my phone wasnt acting like a fag Id call her to say sorry for not being there. I hate when my friends have bad birthdays or when people dont show up for shit like that.

I also finished my painting for Caity this week which was a huge sucess. It looks fantastic, possibly some of my best relief work. Ill post pictures probably tomorrow. Im still working on a bunch of other stuff and I cant wait for break because I just have so many awesome fun fun things planned! Like this weekend is the Monster Mania Convention in Cherry Hill so I have to look great! I wish I had that Monster dress from Pin up girl clothing to wear it would be perfect. But after spending 200 dollars in a day and a half on booze I need to calm my ass down haha.

Slings and Arrows

2008-03-06T10:52:00.000-08:00

So Ive been doing a lot of researching on awesome new gallery shows Id like to see and I found the Cai Guo-Qiang exhibition at the Guggenheim called " I want to believe". Id heard about it a bit but didnt know exactually what the fuck was going on until I read up on it some more. All I new previously was it took 6 weeks to install in the space which is like fucking crazy. It runs from now till May 28th and you must go see it! Im going to drag Regis I think over my break because its just breath taking. He takes several Ford Tarus's and suspends them from the ceiling with lights flying out of them which is suposed to look like a fucking car bombing. Theirs also drawings done in Gun Powder and all these collaborative projects of (hand made) Tigers getting shot with arrows based on Japanese folklore, and freaking wolfs! Also all these crazy statues where a new one is made EVERY DAY.

Im totally inspired by things like this givin I do alot of work with my hands and building. I mean sure a lot of my newer work is related more to Impressionism and the whole Cubist movement along with some late Surrealism. But Id really like to start getting into more installation stuff I find it interesting and so intense. I want to work my hands to bone and know I created something worth while with my time. And now that I have the wood shop at school ( one of my many jobs) I can start building more absurd shit haha.

The Guggenheim is located at 1071 5th Avenue at 89th Street, and the show is about 15-18 dollars I think students can get a discount as well. So dont be a bitch and get cultured!

Cashing out

2008-03-05T19:03:00.000-08:00

I recently came across some news posted on a bulletin by Jay Insult about my dearest friend Bill Cashman getting his ass whooped infront of my favorite NJ haunt the Asbury Lanes at the Strike Anywhere show a night or two ago. He pretty much from what it sounds like from all sides didnt honestly desurve it, because he refused to defend himself to proove the point that violence at shows wrecks not only punk and hardcore as a music scene but destroys venues as well, and honestly if the Lanes closed Id be pretty fucking sad. So thank you Bill Cashman for wearing your suit, looking classy and showing to everyone that even the toughest bullies in hardcore cant make you fall.

Also I found out my bestie Greg from back home in NJ broke edge recently. Because he thought it was "retarded to be afraid of a beverage."

Seriously I need to get home because obvious the state of New Jersey is falling the fuck apart!

So this month looks like its going to be insane. I have tons of work to make up for school and tons of plans for things to come this month. I have to make it good!

This week I have a ton ton ton to do!
-Silk Screen prints for class
-Finish Ama, Ilana and Caity's paintings
-Casting project needs to get fucking started
-Shoot with Insuh for Nouxlex hats
-Shoot hair stuff with Patrick
-Go see the Horror Pops with Kate
-Possibly see Regis again soon :]
-Finish all late papers and future school work
-Buy more hair dye

Im going to be dying my hair soon and cutting alot of it off, it should be pretty epic. Im going for a Mad Max meets a rooster hair cut/ color haha. My vest is almost done!

Remove those stitches!

2008-03-03T20:02:00.000-08:00

So yesterday before going out to Ama's birthday dinner I gave Jessie (Vaughn) a much needed hair cut. Being that I am the house stylist I feel as if her hair is my personal responsibility haha.

Before ( Hair I did for her shoot with Susana)

After

So I think she looks pretty fuckin bangin and Im sure that you all can agree that my skills are outrageous. I also run a salon out of my house and do Cuts, Color and Waxing.. and Im an eyebrow Nazi.

Lately Ive been on a real Nerve Agents kick. I cant stop listening to them and I think that Madam Butterfly is my favorite song, however I think Days of the white owl is a fucking AMAZING album and if you havent ever heard the Nerve Agents or sadly didnt get to see them when they were a band then you need to listen to them, right now. Go on right now!

This is me hanging out in my kitchen being a total retard. per usual.

My heart my soul.

2008-03-03T17:17:00.000-08:00

Ive been a pretty low key bee lately. Just enjoying the break from modeling Ive givin myself and trying to get more intouch with my art and my personal life. Both of which are going swimmingly. I finally got the Anti Christ project going and Im near done with the final product its pretty fucking exciting. Im also almost finished with my painting for Caity, along with Amalia's birthday project and my project for Ilana's birthday.

I finally got a black leather motorcycle jacket that actually fits my skinny ass. Wahoo! Im also on the hunt for a new pair of glasses, Id really love a pair of browline 50s glasses and have been on the hunt for a pair the past few months. Sadly my efforts have been fruitless and everyone on ebay is out to get me..haha.

Ive also been in some real random moods lately and my school work is suffering greatly for it. But Ive found a good way to isolate myself from distractions now to do my school work, well that i,s until he comes home from work..haha!

I have tons of pictures to post from shoots and just life. I finally have some pictures from my shoots with Susana so I can post them on here.

Just hangin in my house haha

A Hopeful for Tattoo Energy/Tattoo Life

Flapper loveee

A photo from my shoot with Lucho

Photos from my shoot with Namoi for Nexluxous Hats, more shoots with this designer to come!

Rats and Hats

This past wednesday was the party for Ama's birthday at HV. It was great because I felt like it was last year all over again, the wonder tripplets reunited which was rad as hell!

Me and Colleen De La Creme

Me, Amalia and Coll

This is just hilarious...

Adapt, Outlast

2008-02-19T08:46:00.000-08:00

A post on Myspace from Rich: MLIW is breaking up

"As recent rumors have suggested, Iowa hardcore band Modern Life Is War is indeed calling it quits. Formed in late-2001, the group has released material with Equal Vision Records and Deathwish Inc., among others. Prior to disbanding, MLIW will tour the U.S. one last time with a final show slated for April 26th. Here's a statement from the band:"

"There is no disaster or dramatic situation behind the break-up. All past and current members of the band are still good friends and there is no bad blood. We just feel like it's the right time and would rather end things on our own terms than let our band become a ghost of what it was in the beginning or to be ripped apart by outside forces.

Our first show was on April 20th, 2002 in Tyler's parents basement. This makes our run as a band almost exactly six years. We want to send a huge thank you out to everyone who supported this band through thick and thin because you care about us as individuals, our music, our message or what we stand for as a band. We also want to thank all the people in the DIY/underground hardcore and punk scenes all over the country and world who work really hard and sacrifice a lot for little to no recognition or money because they love the music and message. I am really proud of all that we have accomplished but know that without the support of that community we would have never had a chance to tour and put out records for so many years. I don't want to get sentimental and there is no short way of wrapping up all my feelings about this band and these last six years. Above all... I hope we have made some people feel less alone and motivated them to think for themselves, be themselves and take action. Punk rock changed our lives. I hope we contributed something to keep the whole thing going. We are leaving soon... but The future is unwritten... so start writing it. Tour dates will be posted soon. Come sweat and scream and say goodbye to Modern life Is War."

I refuse to get all weird in this blog because thats just the way its going to be, but Im really bummed/ not at all suprized at this news. With the death of a family member, Tims leaving for NJ and Harm flying off to be with his fantastic fiance this isnt a shocker to me nor should it be to anyone. MLIW dispite my epic saga with Jeff is one of the best things to have ever happend to hardcore and in my eyes was one of the few bands keeping shit alive. They stuck to their own personal style and kept with their own pace and seemingly never gave a fuck what other people thought of their sound or personalities as a band or people. I will miss seeing those little jackasses running around drunk as skunks after shows, amazing conversations with them. I feel bad for the people who never got to meet them as individuals or see them play like I have since their first east coast tour so many years ago. I still to this day dont regret getting a MLIW tattoo dispite rumors and eventually will finish it when I feel the time is right. I just honestly feel like as retarded as this sounds that this will be the begining of a long winter for hardcore and Im just glad Im not as involved as I used to so I dont have to see the distruction and the collapse of this dying empire.The same 10 bands tour nonstop, theirs nothing new but I think I can speak for alot of kids when I say that going to a MLIW show was never a disapointment even though theyd play every 3 months basically on this coast at the same venue with the sames kids thrashing and bombarding the stages, you would expect the unexpected and its sad it will be gone. I honestly wasnt planning on going to any shows of theirs for a long time but I think Ill go to just this last one. On the bright side aleast Jeff will stop cheating on his girlfriend, right?

Babies!!!

2008-02-18T19:24:00.002-08:00

Yeah so I found LOL rats online insted of cats which is amazing. So marvel in the glow that is the awesomeness!

Safety first!

2008-02-10T15:23:00.000-08:00

So I just set my microwave on fire. DAMN YOU VEGAN SPRING ROLLS! their were flames and everything, it was intense! haha. Whos gunna domesticate a girl who cant use standard machinery!

Our apartment smells like smokey death, and we have all the windows and the front door open, needless to say its terrible.

Thursday was the NY Couture fashion show! Needless to say it was a total hit and a blast! And I didnt fall ( though Steph did, poor dear) More Pictures up soon!

J. Baxter

Photos by Debbi

Steve Prue

Ive been totally lazy these past few days, keeping up on the Anti Christ project and having a ton of new ideas slowly drip out of my head. I want people to really see how out of wack I am, I want to use bottle caps, silk screen, sheet metal and all kinds of junk to get my points across. Hopefully it works! This week I start casting for part of my secret plans.

I hung out with Romina from class most of this weekend, I love that girl to death. And I got the sweetest bra, flanel and dress from becons with her today as we weathered the snow globe storm happening around us!

Ive taken a bit of a hiatus from modeling right now, I only have about 3 more shoots this month, which is a nice break. Ive been slacking off at school and need to get my shit together, and of course my art is calling so I have to get all the crazy ideas out of my head before they drive me mad.

Photo from my shoot with Candy Lust the other day:

First and for most..

2008-02-06T19:35:00.000-08:00

this is the best picture in the world.

Secondly Im totally going to kick ass in this NY Couture show tomorrow. My only problem is the shoes, because they're about 8 inchs high and Im alittle nervous that Im going to fall, but as long as I fall and then crowd surf on all the people in the audience then Ill be fine now wont I!?

I met all the girls and theyre fabulous Raquel is a sweet heart along with Cheui and Steph and all the other fantastic ladies. Sharon TK's in the show too which is awesome because I love her, and after we went to Gobo to eat dinner and it was fantastic!

Tonight was "taco night" here in the apartment. So I bought some Morning Star ground "beef" and made the best vegetarian tacos ever. The roommates were pleased haha.. they didnt know I could cook and now Im screwed because they want to switch off now every week.. damn it!

Tomorrow is the show so everyone better come out!

Monday last week Vaughn and I did a burlesque show at the knitting factory. Though my part was small( nope didnt get naked SORRY BOYS!...and girls? haha) here are afew pictures from the evenning...

During the show.." the seamstress and the mannequin"

After the show Me and Vaughn

Also I got afew photos from my shoot afew months ago for a tattoo mag INKED and for a tattoo book by this fellow named Eric

Sunday my shoot with Candy Lust was awesome! I cant wait for the pictures to come back always exciting.

Drinkin Black Coffee

2008-01-30T18:23:00.000-08:00

After an epic journey yesterday I got the rat babies back to the apartment. They are totally adoreable! since I dont have my camera here I took pictures of them with my computer.

The "Rat Mansion"

Me and Ojitous

Me and Caba

(background cameo by Gretchen, and yes LOVE my Cruel Hand hoodie!)

They are so hilarious, I love them already! I cant wait till theyre alittle bigger so I can teach them tricks. And yes you can teach them tricks! real awesome ones, like clapping, rolling over, knowing their name, all kinds of crap. I used to think that rats were creepy and weird as pets, but living in New York you learn to live with them so you might as well make um into pets right? haha.

Tonight I sleep. Tomorrow I have two shoots ughhh so tired. I just cant stop Ive gotten to far to give up now. I also have a casting apointment with UGLY NY which is one of the leading alternative modeling agencies in NYC so Im super nervous I hope they like me.

"We say Hey, not Eh"

2008-01-28T09:15:00.000-08:00

The past 48 hours have been the most retardedly crazy 48 hours of my life this year thus far.. alow me to explain.

Saturday Me, Miss Jessica White and Sarah Von Zombie the Canadians all did a shoot together for Tattoo Life/ Tattoo Energy. It was insanely cold but it was awesome. Jessica is a total nerd like me, shes smart and awesome with a wicked sweet sense of humor. Her sister is the same way as well. Both of them have this energy about them that I love, Sarah is more of a punk and Jessica is more of a girly girl (which isnt a bad thing by all means) I loved them because it was like the two different sides of myself in two people, so of course hanging out with these beautiful bombshells was fantastic! The next time they come to NYC were going to run a muck! And they want me to come to Canada to hang out and go on murder mystery cruises haha! AWESOME!

(not pictures from the shoot)
Miss Jessica White and Sarah Von Zombie

My Canadian lurveesss

Later after the girls left, Susana, Jess and I got ready to go out to Ottos, the tiki bar on the LES. We get there and Tina with the grace of god gets Susana in (shes underage and all the rage!). I find out that The Brimstones are playing FUCK YES! One of the few bands I have yet to see amazingly enough. Jess ended up leaving because she wasnt feeling to good. So Susana and I became queens of the night and just had an amazing time hanging out with Tina, Alicia, Boom Boom, Katie, Sarah and the rest of the insane girl gang I roll with. Then we realized it was 4:30 and needed to get home! We got back to the apartment at 6am! 6AM! haha.

Yesterday Susana left and this is the whole days timeline

1:30-Find cat stuck on the ledge of my apartment. Play EMT and get super to save said kitty!
2:00-Leave with Susana for JFK airport.
3:30-Get to airport and say goodbye :[
4:30?-Susana gets arrested by port authority for having brass knuckles (cause shes a bad ass)
4:50-Me getting to LES to get silkscreening supplies and realizing I needed to be by the holland tunnel.
5:30-Me finally getting to silkscreening store to get supplies and get in the elevator after walking 10 blocks
6:00-Me FINALLY getting out of elevator that I got stuck in
6:02-My world shattering when the security guard who saved me told me the store was closed
7:00-Me getting home and getting 1,000 voice mails from Susana finding out about jail!
7:00-7:40- Time frame of me freaking the fuck out!!
7:40-Had go to go Ilana's to do photo shoot as a day of the dead bride
7:40-11:30-Me abusing puppy dog eyed boy as day of the dead bride
11:30-12:00-Me abusing said puppy dog eyed Sean boy and new addition "over the counter" Mike as day of the dead bride
2:00-Go to bed.

Serious you cant make shit like this up, yah just cant..

So this week I have a bunch of other things to do on top of school work of course.
-Get ratties! Ojitous and Caba!!
-Shoot with Eric
-Go to Lizzy Browns birthday dinner
-Shoot with CandyLust Candace
-Start newest painting.

Art News:
I got an email from a old friend of mine afew weeks ago about a painting I did a while ago asking to buy it. And since I do always like to keep the first of a series I told her Id make her one that was even better! Thus thats what Im doing its going to be insanely awesome. Afew set backs with what Im calling "The Anti Christ Project" I know its totally unoriginal but, I cant think of what to name them yet. Just some technical jargon that I dont want to get to deep into because it will give away all the suprises!

Also something strange I got this message on myspace saying I had a "tagged" image so I went and looked and its a picture of Me, Jess(Vaughn) and Amber Marie the day we met. I made me miss Amber and think of how awesome that time in the summer was.. ahh the good ol' days

The end!

That girl thinks shes the queen of the neighborhood

2008-01-24T22:43:00.000-08:00

So the past few days have been shooting maddness here at St. Valentines. Susana is here and is awesome and I offically love her! We've been doing alot of awesome shoots and having a great time hanging out and wandering the city. Im making sure that she sees everything so she never wants to leave! However Ive been coming down with a bug and hopefully this wont effect the shoot saturday with Sarah Von Zombie, Miss Jessica White, Vaughn and myself. I dont want to be all gross for it haha.

I got this message from Cassie about the NYC couture show which is going to be fucking insane everyone needs to go!

"We have a shoe sponsor this season…JANTE…they make those sick stripper heels. The shoes are coming next week and I will let you know about when/where you can pick yours up so you can start to practice in these killers.

Guestlist…invite EVERYONE…but only send me guestlist names if they are press. This is not because I don’t love you…but the list will be 17million pages long if I have everyone give me their friend’s names/ect.

I wanted to save the best for last….are you ready? MTV will be filming the show. They started following me for “True Life: I’m at Fashion Week” 2 days ago…so they’ll be there for our run-through, the show, and all that fun. Thread Banger and New Pop (the online tv shows) will also be filming the show. I’m working like crazy to get TONS of press to this show…so it’s going to be excellente!!

I’ll be in touch very soon with more details as I get them. For now start inviting everyone you know!!

xox,

Cassie K.
New York Couture"

This means it will be big, huge, outrageous and amazing. Seriously, holy shit.

Instant Meso Soup, I love you.

2008-01-21T13:58:00.000-08:00

So since Ive gotten into the NY Couture fashion show Ive tried to get into afew other shows as well. Hopefully this one photographer whom Im talking to now works out and I get into another show on the 15th!

This all means two things, going to the gym and the soup diet haha. Ive gained alittle pouch due to my love of Atlas and their vegan red velet cake cupcakes! But no more! good old fashion exersize and diet are the way to go! I heard this on Ugly Betty once and thought it was funny, " All these models are on the cheese cake cocaine diet" hahahaha. However thats not how I roll.

Friday after screwing up my ankle more I hobbled around doing waredrobe design/set design/ hair for Suicide Girl Calamity's set. I cant wait to get the pictures to post on here their freakin awesome! Then I went to the doctor and just need to ice my foot more.

I thought that this situation yesterday was hilarious and a funny story for all to know...

For all those whom havent see the movie "Best in Show" go see it, its hilarious. The cast is fantastic Eugene Levy, Parker Posey, Cathrine O'Hara. Theirs this one scene in the movie that reminded me of my day yesterday. Parker's character Meg Swan needs to find a bumble bee toy for their insane chocolate lab before the show. She goes to the pet store down below the hotel to find one after ripping apart her hotel room looking for it. I found a clip of it:

Yesterday I went to Petco, well 3 Petco's looking for this stupid igloo for the rat cage so Im all prepaired for when I pick up the babies next week. ALL I WANT IS A FUCKING IGLOO! No one has it! So finally I get to the 3rd Petco, its like 3 degrees outside and I tell the guy I need an Igloo like the ones in the cage (Small sidez not to big you know? and point to the ones inside the actual cages there) He goes we have this one, and im like no thats a large igloo I need a smaller one. Then he points to this thing that says "edible hut" and Im like nah man thats a hut ( a little tiki hut which was cute but not practical), it doesnt resemble and igloo at all. Then finally I like loose my mind haha. I see this woman in the corner holding up dogger sweaters to herself like shes buying them for her and not a dog and then I realized I was being just like Meg Swan and appologized to the guy and bought the Large igloo and some little toy thing too. It was just hilarious I couldnt stop laughing when I left hahaha. Im a wacko.

Once I figure out the damn code to this blog Ill be happy!

Black Coffee

2008-01-18T18:46:00.001-08:00

So somehow earlier this week I twisted my ankle and am now a gimp haha but it doesnt hurt when I wear high heels? I think thats just my body telling me that im a whore for high heels and all I wear is pumps..hahaha.

I also met with Cassie of New York Couture this week and I get to shoot with her and Steve Prue and also am going to be in their fashion show during NYC Fashion week! So everyone has to come out to that Febuary 7th.

I didnt shoot with Candy Lust due to said gimpyness.

Today I styled and did MUAH stuff for Calamitys shoot for SG which was also fun.

And aparrently Mike the kid whom lives below me and cant decide what kind of music to play is one of the stars of that new Cloverfield movie. So thes premiere party is here tonight and he invited me and the roomies to go!

I also today found myself a new set of ratties to love from a breeder in NJ. I tried to get ahold of SG Squeek but she wont answer my emails :[ So I found someone else! We decided on their names also

Caballucos del Diablo

Ojitios

Keeping with the tradition of having rats with outrageous Spanish names we( Vaughn and I) decided on these. Caballucos del Diablo means "Devils small horse's" which is just fucking hilarious. And Ojitios is from my time in Texas with pin ups Ili Jean and Sin O'Rita, Ojitios is the sexy eyes you make at a dude at a bar but we made terrible faces insted hahaha. So Im going next week before Vestige gets here to get them in NJ. SWEET!

I also got the pictures from my shoot with Louche Lab, Enjoy!

Im in the process of now masproduction of my latest maddness.. get ready people, shits going to blow minds!!

Pull up

2008-01-14T16:38:00.000-08:00

I refuse to let this year go up in flames like Ive done so many times. Self sabotosh was always a fortay of mine so hopefully I can leave that all behind me and strive for good things, better things.

This year will be devoted to art first and foremost. Ive begun on a new venture into the land of blasphemy and I hope that my latest project will turn heads and hopefully give me enough bank so I can get to Norway and everywhere else I plan on going this year. I also plan on doing alot more make up artist/hair work in the modeling world so that atleast I can make more money. Im so excited to start casting these little beauties and paint . Do all kinds of fun shit in my fortress of solitude this will be the year of the hermit for sure haha I can see it now me wandering out into the light, burnning my eyes with a beard or something (because yeah im such a bad ass I can grow a beard?) clothes riped and it will be 2009.

Thus just because I crashed the car Im not going to let it get me down and fuck me up.

Ive also decided on some new tattoo ideas. I keep having dreams that Im a grandma with a full sleeve yelling at my grand kids to not tell on me for calling them gay..hahaha. But who knows?

Thursday this week Im meeting up with Cassie of NY Couture just to talk about working together and stuff, if all goes well hopefully Ill be in her Feb. Fashion show.

Turning heads every place we go.

2008-01-11T22:04:00.000-08:00

Music: The Ronettes- Be my baby

So as always the absurd never seems to be to far behind. My sister put it best yesterday "your always two steps forward or two steps back, and when youre foward its in the wrong direction" haha I was very proud of that statement.

Monday I was kiddnaped and brought back to NJ to see my mom and such. I had a mess of things that needed to get done such as:

-Make doctors appointments
-Get my passport reissued (for Norway! FUCK YES)
-Make sure all my paper work went through for disability (Wahoo Dyslexia!)
-Go food shopping

So I did none of these things but the food shopping. Because I crashed my moms/my car on the way to see my cousin whom I havent seen for a year. It was pretty retarded. I have no colision insurance and since I just scratched the ladies car I hit she said I could just go and it was okay, the luck of the Irish was so on my side (she said if I needed any info from her she worked at Joyces Irish Cottage) hahah YES. So I got lucky, but unlucky cause I need 3,000 bucks to fix the car, AKA My Texas/Cali/Norway money...no dice. I checked the car myself and its just really body damage new Hood, Bumper and Light Fixture. Billy my sisters boyfriend agreed and told me how much it will be, Im so fucked.

For some reason this damned blog wont let me post the pictures to their actual size...

To top it all off I then slipped and fell down the stairs of my moms house..so their was only one thing to do...

Thus naturally I fled back to NYC my homeland to regroup and not drive haha.

Last night I went to see Outbreak/Bane/Have Heart/ With Honor. It was nice to see everyone as always. The Outbreak kids got me in on the list so that ruled. I havent seen the With Honor kids in forever and Mikey was with them which was pleasant too hes the best. I hit back afew Jack and Cokes, Thorns helped in me making an ass out of myself infront of a cute boy. Then the Outbreak kids drove back with me to BK where we went to Crown Fried Chicken and of course as always they were happy hhahha. Afew of them slept in the apartment, others in the van. This morning we woke up and I made everyone endless pancakes and eggs. I was even going to make them cookies for the road but they had to leave. Seriously I love those kids so much I just think back to my first trip to Maine hanging out with Chris and Nate all day and night theyre just such great guys.

Tonight I painted a mural on my door its pretty wack Im kinda insane but pictures later, for now I finally have the photos of my prints from last semester...

For those whom didnt know my beloved rat Le Chupacabra passed away December 13th last year, the day before my winter break..thus the night of her passing I painted this in memorial to her. Me and all my roommates will be getting matching rattoos of this for her sometime soon. She lived to be 120 in rat years (4 human years) She is definately missed.

I started to do really narly rat prints about 3 years ago and theyve just gotten more nastey and insane looking. This is a rat eatting baby skulls with little feti swimming around it. I thought of that lady and the tramp movie from Disney while doing this, in the scene where the rat tries to like eat the baby but that would never like SERIOUSLY happen.. atleast I dont think so. So I found it comical and made this out of that idea..hahah.

This is a Carosel horse breaking off from the group being a rebel bastard. I came up with this the week me and Naomi Nekro did a shoot in LBI on a Carosel.

Im just really fucking weird man...hahahah

This is based on Madam Gabrielle from my sideshow series. She was the first ever half woman and was a total babe. This however is not in my personal oppinion one of my favorite prints, I have more to add to it though, when its done ill start selling them I guess.

The story of this print is fucking awesome. Its from my sideshow series, her name was Myrtle and she was the first 4 legged girl. Maybe I fell inlove with her because her name is Myrtle the same as my late dear grandmother but the facts behind her "freakishnessss" make her all the more outrageous. Out of all of her legs only one worked well enough to walk with, however she could sway the other three as part of her act. She had two vagina's and gave birth to four children 3 out of one vagina and one out of the other. She was actually classified as a siamese twin but could control the actions of the other twin. HOW FUCKED IS THAT!

This is one of a bamillion pictures from my shoot last friday with Louche Lab. A husband and wife team I mentioned in my earlier entry. Theirs still a million more pictures but i havent gotten them yet.

I have a bunch of shoots within the next few weeks and now I need more then ever so I can pay this damn car shit off and get back to going all over the place.

Adapt, not me

2008-01-04T15:20:00.000-08:00

This year brings new tidings with it, thus it only seems right that I would make a new journal to write them in. For those who have never met me and read this you might think alot of things in here are alittle outrageous or hard to understand, however yes my life is this ridiculous. To know me in short heres what you will need..

Im a retro pin up model (and no I do not get naked). Im an artist and have what some would like to call "artistic ADD" I work with a huge range of mediums so nothing gets repedative or boring. Im a certified cosmetologist and a certified custom framer. I dont believe in liking one kind of music. I drink Coca-Cola with Coffee. I live in Brooklyn but im originally from Jersey. Im absurdly dyslexic and cant spell for the life of me. I read alot of Existential philosophy and am in the process of writting my own book.

With that all being said heres my day today:

I had a photoshoot in Williamsburg today with a husband and wife team. They took me out to lunch before the shoot to this little taco place and it was awesome. We did the shoot for a vintage clothing collector and had a whole mess of waredrobe to play with. The makeup artist was this strange Brazillian woman who didnt really talk much. We used all these crazy vintage hats one of them I wanted to take so bad it was green with these obnoxious flowers. The shoot was more fashion which I like because lord knows I can only handle so much pin up stuff. Finally after several hours we got done shooting and I took the beloved G train home to Jess and Poppie.

Jess is one of 3 roommates I have (photographed above) AKA Vaughn Lacie. We live in a factory loft space with all our own bedrooms. Jess and I met on a photo shoot in Coney Island over the summer and have been the best of friends since, we used to have another roommate Amber who we also met on the shoot but she went insane and got married, which is a whole other story..With this new year has come a new roommate however, Gretchen whom I already love because yesterday she cleaned the bathroom for two hours! My sister Desiree also lives with us, but is never here because she goes back to NJ to see her boyfriend and work. Poppie is our Sheba Enu who we are fostering, he found a home yesterday and will be leaving us :[. The kid whom lives below me in my building cant decide whether or not he wants to play obo or the drums and it makes me furious. (this is happening right now) This has been an on going struggle with him and normally I just jump on the floor three times and he stops but I think hes going a bit insane...

Tonight Im hanging out with Greg Miller which will be awesome seeing as how I never see him. I sadly only see my NJ friends now rarely because even when Im there Im always at The Lanes with Kimmy getting drunk and creating some kind of misadventure haha.

So this being a new year and all I have afew "resolutions" that need to be taken care of:

-Stop spending money frivolously.
-THE YEAR OF EXPLORATION!
Texas, Norway, Georgia, Cali here I come!

Pictures from my last shoot: