My time

We were all born to do something. Some people take their whole lives to figure out what they want to do with themselves. I was never lucky with much but what I was lucky with was knowing at a young age what I wanted to be when I grew up. In 7th grade I decided no matter what, I would be an Art Teacher.

When I got into highschool I told my art teacher at the time I wanted to learn everything from her I would learn in college to be a teacher, so Id be prepaired. I learned how to change the kone elements in a kiln, how to sodder, how to do just about everything. She would give me problems that happen often in the room that I would have to solve. Finally by the time I was in my sophomore year, she would leave to go do her grocery shopping while I taught her classes for her. And most classes since till I would graduate.

It was that summer of my freshman year that I started at the marlboro rec center as a jr counselor in the art camp C.A.T. I would slave like a bitch for this woman who was the head teacher and her spoiled daughter who was her assitant. Finally after two years her daughter went away to college and I was promoted and we highered my sister to work there as well. Then after that summer Marleen quit and Desiree and I became incharge. That was 8 years ago and I still work there teaching 5th-8th grade multi medium art classes. Needless to say Im sure you can imagine how fucking awesome it would be to have me as your art teacher hahaha.







This photo is from the summer of 05 when Joanna was still in camp. Joanna I met when she was in 5th grade, shes now going into her JR year of highschool. Thus you can imagine I feel old as fuck sometimes...ahahha

Monday is the first day of camp and every summer Im depressed as fuck until this weekend passes. Because once camps starts I have no worries or cares, just my love for these little bastards and having a ball at something I was lucky enough to know earlier on in life that Im outrageously good at.

Think Locally, Fuck Globally

Im on a Gogol Bordello kick this week FUCK YES.

This was my final project for my silk screening class last semester, theirs only 3 of them and one I gave to Regis, another Im keeping and obviously the last one Im selling. So If you want it get at me. Silk Screened Jesus with crown of thorns, hair made of rusted wire, done on ply wood covered with pages of Fredrik Nietzsche's "The Anti Christ" hahah get into it :]



Last night I went to Ama's house and we dyed her hair and I gave her the most bad ass hair cut ever, lets just say SPEED LINES. I also cut my hair more so its more mohawk esq. Ive also decided im going to grow it out after this and dye it a more orange red. As soon as this fucking black grows out..ugh. It was around then that I texted Julia and told her I was going to HV at the Annex with Ama and everyone and for her to come out were going from 11-3.

I get there at 12 so I felt bad thinking that she would be there waiting for me with Tracy, which she was..hahaha. We got TRASHED and danced all night which I havent done in a while. We kept getting free drink after drink, vodak, whiskey all kinds of crap. And somehow I thought it was a great idea to drive Tracy and Julia home in my car...hahaha I drove fine and got myself home fine but never the less it wasnt a good thing of me to do.

I got back into my hood and was hungry so I went to the 24 hour deli, as I stood in line with these two girls apparently I told the one how i liked her shirt because it had penguins on it. And then we talked about how Tyra Banks is scared to death of dolphins hahahaha. Then apparently I Imed Regis and was saying all kinds of nonsense about whatever. I dont remember any of this except for what Nicole told me. WOW..I suck..hahaha but in the most glorious way. By this time she said it was 5am.

I woke up today at 3...hahaha.

Tonight Im heading back to NJ hopefully Ill get some kinda vegan dinner with Kimmy Mano Monster Mash haha. But one can only hope. Then Tomorrow is Rec orentation for Camp which im really excited about. Be prepaired for pictures, videos and massive entries about my kids I work with because its going to happen. I like to save notes for later when I write in my book.

Ive been in this weird mood and funk lately ever since saturday. I guess the reality of all the things that happened over the weekend, (non scene related) has just made me realise I need to stop all the maddness.. maybe only talk to one dude insted of a million at the same time. Its just getting to hard to keep track anymore. Maybe then Ill actually have a meaningful relationship with someone I actually give enough of a fuck about to mend my evil ways. I may have one in mind but lord knows as always Ill find a way to fuck this one up too...hahha. I just wish I could care about people enough, or stop caring about those who dont give a fuck about me, but I know thats just me punishing myself for what Ive done to others I guess..

Open eyes

This weekend was pretty fantastic! I went to a shows in Philly saturday and sunday. I felt like a kid again, though Im only 21 I know that sounds silly, feeling like a kid again and all because in some eyes I still am one.. but I thought about a lot of things and here is how my weekend went.


I drove down to Philly to see my friend Billy’s band Rat Pack play their first show ever at Planet Molly's a punk house venue having is third to last show ever. Not having an exact address I thought it would be hard to find as I drove down 40 somethingth street. While thinking these thoughts I saw smoke and a bamillion shirtless dudes standing on the sidewalk. Obviously I found the venue. As irony would have it after parking my car written in the pavement in front of the house it said "calamity". As I met the kids and walked through the sweat, beer and tofu the foyer of the house was filled with bicycles and a pentagram done with masking tape that said under it "HAIL SATAN", needless to say I felt right at home.

Fuck went on first, a two-piece band of madness that was a pleasure to watch. Then Ruins who if you haven’t heard you should kill yourself because you life is seriously lacking, a band of "to many gingers" played some of the best shit Ive heard in a while. www.myspace.com/ruinsrockandroll is their myspace, I suggest you check them out. Then Rat Pack went on which was just fun to watch, everyone was drunk and out of control, beer was poured all over Billy before a line could even be screamed. Of course to say I didnt loved it would be a lie. The last band was Endless Bummer but we had to miss them because Billy in his drunken genius gashed his arm open pretty bad and walloped his head pretty good so I thought it best to take him home.

All the rest of the night I kept thinking about Ruins playing that basement. The whole show reminded me of something out of 8th grade. When at shows everyone was friends and if they weren’t they would eventually be. Unity was key and its sad that Mollys moving out and wont have shows their anymore after today. After laying around getting pissed off that the world of music has begun to go into the gutter I started to get some hope that maybe finally the swords been taken from the stone and theirs finally a band from Philly thats new and doesnt suck.

Sunday after going to Govindas for a fantastic "chicken" cheese steak with Billy I headed over to The Banner show at The Church a spot I havent been to since The Explosion did their last show with Modern Life is War in September of last year. I began to realize I only go to the shows of my friends bands, because its the only time I see them or because I get in for free. I dont contribute to anything except opinions with little actions and started to get really annoyed. I saw Richard, Jake and Joey and met Buzz for the second time though he doesnt remember the first, which was sometime last year haha.

I didnt watch the first band because I was talking to everyone else. The Banner was pretty awesome and their super fans made it exceptionally fun to watch. It reminded me of days when I got so stoked on a band I couldnt stop moving, that Id actually have to run to the bathroom to throw up. Which one of these kids actually did. Thus naturally this weekend of past nostalgia wouldnt stop here. I sat outside for a while talking to Steve the drummer of Elysia a band going through some dramatic musical changes and trying to shake this image of just typical metal/hardcore kids. It was really awesome talking to someone that wasnt a moron and new what they were saying. We also talked about art and traveling, and I felt thankful that I make time and can do the things I do and work on my art and still make a living.

Their set was awesome Zachs vocals kicked ass and once again I was happy to watch a band in Philly that didnt suck (though they are from Sacramento). Then I started to look at this young girl, probably 16? Wearing basketball shorts, her "moshing" was pretty much the running man mixed with aerobics and I started to laugh to myself.

As I watched her pat her buddies on the back and bop around smiling and attempting to look hard I once again got on that ride back to the hey day. I saw myself standing around with Brooke my only girlfriend from Philly, as we were 15 years old getting our asses kicked by huge dudes saying "girls have no place in hardcore" and "girls cant dance". I remember watching a girl outside the Troc get knocked out by a guy because she was confronting him about a confrontation inside the venue. As I got out of the car driving me home, I took a beach towel and cleaned up the blood on her face and we drove her home.

I explained all this to Blur as we stood there watching the band and watching this girl. I just thought of the years of blood, scars and broken noses I had to go through in Philly my short time venturing there as a teen. How hard we fought for girls like that to have a place to have their style. And this chick was doing the running man? Walking around like a peacock. It was an insult to injury. Literally. And I know this is just me being a snob but I was just kinda like what the hell..seeing as how I was already in rare form.

It was at this point that I walked outside and had a cigarette. One of my old friends younger brother came up to me and started to talk to me about INFEST. A hardcore festival in Sayerville. He was saying how this year he didnt want to go because of FSU and all the fighting that would happen. I finally just hit my boiling point and started to go off on this kid and his friends. Here is basically what I said,

"Why are you going to not go see bands you want to see because a bunch of old dudes are going to get in fights? Thats retarded, and that kind of stupid shit is the reason why we have no hardcore scene in New Jersey anymore. Everyone’s afraid; everyone’s scared, of what? 7 dudes that are older and bigger then you? Because honestly thats all it really is is 7 big guys who go to a bar and eat wings at their meetings and dictate your life? Youre really going to let them scare you out of going to a show? When kids stop booking shows, the bands stop coming and when the bands stop coming this all becomes stale and dead. Its people like you that are killing this scene. Theirs hundreds of you and 7 of them, what do you think their going to SWAT team the rest of the FSU nation in to NJ so they can beat up a bunch of 14 year olds for trying to have shows? That’s retarded. This isnt a Republic this is fucking HARDCORE. I didn’t vote for these people, Im not going to give them my respect, my fear, POWER over ME. But you kids, you’re the ones in control not them, youre the ones who stopped having the shows, stopped printing the zines, stopped buying music stopped fucking caring enough to do something about it. If you want to see a band you like go see them. If you see a fight break it up, you’re obviously all these for the same reasons. All it means NOTHING is three letters that is, you’re going to let the fucking alphabet control your life? FSU started because of the Neo Nazi's in Boston and NYC are you a Nazi? NO so they have no reason to beat you up, and if they do then they are just dumb old retarded men with nothing better to do then pick on children. If you book a show and they come there call the cops, your not doing anything illegal but they are, their a fucking GANG of mostly 30 something year old dudes, I think a cop would find a bunch of old balding men hanging around and intimidating 13 year old kids fucking weird. Let them know they fucked everything up and their obviously not going to be welcome. You think they want to risk jail or fines to come to your show? To what prove a point that they’re hard? They’re fucking COOL? They don’t have anything to prove anymore, their credibility is out the fucking window that shits long gone. In other areas Im sure they’ve gotten respect because they were there for something. When was the last damn time you saw a Nazi skin head in New Jersey!? Im done hearing people bitch about what the fuck happened and you little fucks need to start making things happen of this shit, because Im getting bored."

It seemed pretty inspiring and Im glad that he and his friends listened so intently. Maybe it will spark a change. That these little bastards will get their shit together and realize a thousand bees can kill a bear. Im just so sad that something I love so much has gone to hell, I have hope though that bands like Ruins will still play and kids will look for new bands to play shows that arent the same shit over and over again. We’ve been run to the damn high hills of Jersey now to have shows, that shit needs to change.

As a teacher, and someone who loves kids, I dont want them living in a world without this. Lord knows the best time of my life and the most lessons I learned were in a school they were in a VFW, a Church basement, M&M Hall, Barn, Venue, Parking Lot, House Basement, Living Rooms, Roof Top, Knights of Columbus, Backyard, Club. Anywhere that had somewhere to plug in an amp. And these dumb kids are letting these fucks take it away from them? They dont even know what their missing.

Later me and Blur went to El Catena to get a pitcher of Margaritas and Vegan tacos. Needless to say it was a good night.

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Throw back!

I just found a whole mess of pictures from the last 3 days I was in Norway! Enjoy!

tattoo maddness



foot ball awesomeness


drunk fantastic!





And heres a pictures of me and my friends from NJ playing bang wizz chad the best drinking game in the world!


This is Gretch and Jess...


or Jess and Gretch! Bum bum bummm!

An Atom bomb of Revenge

I cant stop listening to Brooks Strause, as Tim would say "hes the best lyricist of our time" hahah.

It cost me 300 dollars basically to get my car out of impound and pay my ticket. Im pretty bummed but thank god for that kid Tom who works at Vinnies who will give me free pizza haha atleast I wont starve to death!

So last nights shoot with Insuh was of course fantastic! I love that dude, he makes me laugh so hard because were both just weird people. We shot on 3 different locations and did 7 outfits! Not bad for only working for afew hours, we are indeed the dream team.






After the shoot I got home and me and all my roommates were all home at the same time! CRAAZY that never happeneds so we all hung out and acted like idiots. Jess bought space bags to put her stuff in for her moving out and going to work at this camp so we watched them work their magic! It was pretty amazing, I have a video Ill post later today. Jess and Gretchen also tried on some of the wigs I own for shoots and it was hilarious, hahahah best ever.

Later in the night Gretch was on the phone with her crazy boyfriend and he was talking about the hand book of the new paradime. I HAVE TO READ THIS THING. It says all this shit about everyone dying in 2012 and that theirs like dragons in the middle of the earth and all this insane shit...seriously people are outrageous, I cant wait to read it and make fun of everyone even more. Their conversation on the phone last night was hilarious. As me and my other roommates listened on we were laughing so hard it was sick hahaha.

Later I talked to Tim on the phone for a while and just kinda went into my crazy life story I guess. Talking to him made me realize that I do alot with what Ive got and I should be greatful for how much life Ive honestly lived in so short a time. However I still want to run a muck and do more insane shit WOO!

I also found recently these photos from a shoot I did back in...January? I think it was..For my friends Kati and Ilana its pretty bad ass and kinda creepy...





Today I have the best plan ever, Im just going to sleep all day and night after work. YUP!

I miss being in Norway and hanging out with Ili, Glenn and Marius! I found this picture today on Ili's blog and it made me so bummed Im not there!!


Also this is my bad ass tattoo hahah it means "Vacation" Thanks Glenn!

Poor house

Ahhh life. What a punch in the face you are.

So this week has been super fun an eventful. Thursday I went with Julia to see Spanish Bombs play at the rock star bar or whatever its called down by the water. Its always a pleasure to see Tim and Jrok and it was a pretty awesome show, we saw a random girl drunk kinda fight. it was pretty entertaining and after the show we went to the after party at a bar that was hilarious because they were playing the Garbage Pale kids movie haha. Afterwards we all headed back to Crewtons to drink and yatta yatta.

Friday I decided it best to stay in, I was so tired and just sickly from the previous night of over boozing and maddness that life had to wait.

Saturday I had a shoot for a Fetish website doing some bondage Bettie Paige style stuff. It was pretty awesome and I had alot of fun doing it hahah. I love shoots like that because theyre just outrageous. After the shoot I went and got ready and headed over to the Annex for Brad Walsh's birthday party and it see him preform. It was pretty awesome and Brad is a huge sweet heart. I got to see Kate and Alana whom I LOVE to see when I go out though it is rare.

After leaving early I headed back over to Crewtons to meet up with Jrok, Tim, Julia and everyone else. We attempted to go to a bar but failed because Jrok had lost his license previously so we headed over to San loco and got some awesome food and drinks there. Later we went back to Crewtons for more fun and maddess hahha.

Sunday was fathers day so I had to move my shoot with Insuh to today. bah.

I got back to NYC on monday afternoon and headed by the Tripp NYC show room to get my sweet new goodies! I cant wait to ware all the free crap I got. I love life!

Later I went to Amas. Colleen was there to with Oseto her little dog whom used to hate me but now loves me haha. We hung out like old times and painted Ama's room. Coll had to bounce so we stayed to finish the job and went to LOWES to get more stuff to do her room with. Then we went to Vinnies Pizza to get vegan pizza and proceeded to get hit on by young dudes, while we were both, dressed in terrible painting outfits, sweat covered, paint covered, hair matted and lack of make up. Thus I felt pretty good about myself. hahaha. The Pizza was the best ever in my life.

After I got home I got a message from Danny K from Shattered Realm about needing a design ASAP for their Europe tour, I busted it out in a hour and I hope he liked it haha its not my best work but it would have to do for the time I had to do it in.



This morning as I woke up to go to work I went outside on my normal walk and went to go passed my car to make sure another night it had survived. Well it was gone. YUP. So I went to work and called all over the place and aparently it got towed because I parked infront of a drive way, which wasnt really a drive way. Thus Im sure you can understand im so upset and pissed because I made sure this month Id make just enough money to pay rent and live alittle. Now Im 300 dollars fucked. Hopefully I can find a shoot to do that will cover the costs. FUCK.

Tonight Im shooting with Insuh and then just staying in. This weekend The Banner is playing in Philly and in NYC Im also doing a design for them too for next month, silk screened posters for their cd release show. Should be awesome fun! I also have a shoot with Eric Scott this week infront of an old beat up dinner I do believe, which should rule also. Im also hanging out with Tim again which should be fun.

haha I hope someone counts how many times I said awesome in this post, its alot!

I am a vampire

HOLY FUCKING HELL.

So yesterday was my shoot for Tripp NYC. For those of you (like me) who dont know what Tripp NYC is, it is the clothing company made and sold by Trash and Vaudeville. And if you dont know what that means then youve never been to St. Marks, and their for you suck. Obviously I suck, because I didnt put 2 and 2 together. Tripp is also sold online, and in other stores like Hot Topic and yatta yatta.

I got to the shoot at 9:30am and was there till 7pm talk about a fucking WORK OUT. Their were 5 other female models there along with 2 male models (one of whom I may or many not have givin my number to...haha) I had to do about 50 different outfits not even counting the skirts and pants I had to model as well (just bottom shots) Janis from Make up forever, did my make up and I looked bad ass as fuck, and of course me being anal as hell I did my own hair. It was seriously the most fun outrageous hilarious shoot ever.

The photos are going into their catalog, website, and I think some are being hung in the St, Marks store! The catalog is also going to be destributed to different stores so that they can order whole sale items to sell in their stores, which means my face is going to be fucking all over the place! BAD ASS!

Im really really excited about all this exposure and it just made me want to model more, on top of that getting paid great and getting FREE FUCKING CLOTHES! Is also a top notch awesome thing as well.

After my shoot since I was in the neighborhood, I went and got Ama from work. Not before I prank called her though hahaha.. I made her run across the store to get the phone as I watched from my car and died laughing. I love that girl. We then drove into Williamsburg ACK to go to Chia to get Thai food to go (Chia is one of my FAVORITE Thai places!) After we went to C town by her apartment to get stuff to make Amalia's famous purple polkadoted pasta salad so after we were done eating Thai we had that which was sooo good!!! Then we watched 40 year old virgin which I had to turn off towards the end because awkward sex scenes in movies make me REALLY uncomfortable and have anxiety haha. Then I went home to my 400 degree apartment.

The rest of this week I shall be slaving at the woodshop to make extra money so I can buy retarded art supplies for my massive undertaking this summer. I decided that if the art ed department here isnt going to give me a show at the end of my million years here I shall have to do it myself. Thus Im going into mass production on not only the Non Virgin Mary wall hanging sculptures which I have yet to post and photograph but also, Nazi Rats, Tattooed Rats, Virgins in bath tubs of blood, and TONS of more insane sculptures, prints, wall reliefs, paintings and more more more. I think im going to call the show something to do with ADD because obviously I cant stick to one medium I will master them all.

Friday I have a pin up sailor shoot which will be ubber fun! And then saturday I have a shoot for a Bettie Paige style Fetish website and then Sunday is the Alumni clothing shoot.

this music video fucking RULES


In two weeks Im PRAYING that I can still go to St.Louis, Tay is being a real fucker about calling me back with all the info...grrrr....

Im just in this crazy mood lately that I cant get out of. I just want to work work work! Which I will be but never the less...I am restless and want more out of my life then what I am getting right now I guess. I just want camp to start and for all my troubles to melt away in the faces of those little bastards I love to teach.

I also wish I was back in Norway with Ili, Glenn and Marius because it was so fun there and not 200 degrees outside! I miss being around Ili my little burito of love!!! hahaha.

A photo from my shoot with L-stop


Mr. No is sleeping in his office, and I love him for that..hahaha. Im casting a mold right now so back to work I go!