Come knock on our door

Things have been amazing lately. I can honestly say that with a smile on my face.


Break started on December 19th. It was a much needed release from all the madness of the times. I got really drunk in my apartment with some close friends and a few new ones.



It wasnt till a few days later that the out come of some events really hit me. I realized me and Geoff were broken up, that I was about to have my first divorced family christmas and that I was finally doing some really selfish things, but in a good way.

I went to see the bouncing souls show with Kimmy and Danielle on Friday after christmas. It was pretty epic. I managed to get in for free and had a pass so I drank for free all night. Kate makes the best vegan cookies so I was freaking out. Later some kid came up to me and made me feel like such an old head it was retarded. Telling me that back in the day he was afraid of me and now Im a big model and everything and its sad I dont dance at shows anymore, he tried to drag me on the floor haha...Finally I caved and danced a little bit, it felt good. I miss those days, but my reasons for standing on the sides are my own.

Later we went to the lanes and met up with Jrok and Tim Churchman. We drank I got in a bit of a fight...then the lanes closed and we decided it was a good idea to go to Nick Bocks house haha. We got there and Danielle climbed on the roof to tap on his window with a stick to wake him up to let us in. He was passed out so it wasnt going to happen, then we went to TIms and watched I love Lucy all night till I passed out cuddling Danielle, because were inlove.

The next day I went to Philly with my sister and met up with Dylan. It was awesome hanging out in the city and just running around. We went to the bar that Blur works at and met up with her and Dave. Then we all headed over to El Cantina and ate vegan tacos and killed a pitcher of margaritas. Then we all went to Blurs where we met her outrageously cute puppy!!

The next day we went with MK to Honeys for food which was fucking amazing. Then we all headed back to NYC. Then me and Dylan went to the bouncing souls show again. Kate managed to give me her back stage pass so I could get in, which was so sweet of her! We also met up with Kimmy and it was fuckin awesome, I was bummed they played the same set as Friday but whatever the souls are amazing anyway.

Later that night in my drunkenness I was kid napped and woke up in PA. It was pretty insane seeing woods and snow and shit. I met Dylans parents and just hung out. Later he brought me back to NYC and I havent really left my apartment since. Ive been painting, and making some killer designs. Tomorrow my sister comes back and Im going to borrow her camera and take some photos of the stuff Ive been working on.

Ive been really bipolar lately, but more happy then anything else. I go back and forth to this dark place in my head where I wonder sometimes what Im doing. But Im just so outrageously happy at the same times I cant even think about problems I should be thinking about. I just dont care anymore. But I know right now things are perfect, and Ive never been this happy before in my life.

I started off the new year Vegan, yeah I know its crazy but Im doing it. So far so good and Im really happy that I have friends who support the change instead of give me shit for trying to "limit" myself. I just think that the raping of animals is cruel and needs to stop. After being Vegetarian for 12 years it just makes sense to go the next step.

Me Dylan and Anthony have been hanging out basically everyday all week. Its been fucking AWESOME. We had mexican night tonight and and made way to much food...thus we have decreed it will be mexican week now haha.

Bread

Life is fucking hard as balls right now...Im going through so much shit...seriously just dragging through the mudd..ugh.



Ive been in work production over load lately, Photos soon so many new prints its retarded.

I just feel like no one understands me except people who are at this school. All my friends know what its like, artschool isnt some like bullshit where you just write papers and have to read like "normal" college. I have to create concepts for paintings, execute those paintings and then write a 2 page artist statement about them, then I have to do a 6 color silk screen print, which takes about 5 hours IF you do it right. And on top of that more and more homework of the same kinda principle shit is time consuming. Im starting to realize more and more I want so badly to be in a relationship where Im happy and carefree...but you cant be carefree when you care about someone else. I cant be a student and a girlfriend at the same time it seems..or a good girlfriend at that.. Ive just lost my mind. I love Geoff so much but I cant seem to work on school and give him everything he needs at the same time...and I dont want to drag him around while Im trying to work on sculptures and prints...its not fair..I cant even go see him anymore until breaks from school and thats just so fucked up...ugh this is just so hard for me...I wish he understood. I wish someone did.

Friday were having a done with school party...Ive been working my ass off for the past 2 weeks I even missed my moms 50th birthday party bc I was doing school work til 7am..Thus intense drunkness is in order indeed..I need to loosen up. I miss my friends..

Im ready

"I love you, I love you so much. Remember everything I taught you, everything I showed you. You'll be fine without me, take care of your mom and remember I love you." My grandmother said this as she held my hand and died. I was 8 years old.

My mom always felt as if in that moment their was some kind of transference, from one body to another. I started to talk like my grandmother, act like my grandmother and eventually would grow up to look just like her. My aunts and my mom sometimes get tears in their eyes when they look at me, because I remind them so much of her.

Though I feel as if I have let down her spirit in some way. My mother is suffering delving deep into a depression and state of mind no one can save her from, not even herself. My father is a murderer, and finally is getting what he deserves, and it may cost my mother her sanity or her life. I cant really tell yet.

I will however sit here, and watch it all pass idly by.

Geoff is taking me away as my christmas present. Either Peru, Costa Rica, or somewhere in Mexico. It should be interesting, a vampire like myself out in the sun haha.

My moth by Jenna Mumfford



I got tattooed by Eli last week and my rib cage is pretty much fully covered now.


I gave him this lil guy as a present. Its the boyfriend to my Fox girl hehe


Ive been working ALOT on school lately, so much so I have no friends..and the ones I do have secretly hate me because they never see me and attempt to be somewhat understanding of my demanding schedule. I feel like a dying fish, I havent had a whiskey drink in weeks and Im starting to loose my mind.

I also had my group Relief show last week, it was a huge success you can see my lil rat dude chillin in the photo..

If assholes could fly this place would be busier then O'Hare

So this weekend was the Chicago tattoo convention. It was so much fun! A lot of random things happened like seeing my old room mate Amber working one of the booths with her husband! CRAZY!! shes going great and looks awesome as a blonde...woah! I also hung out with Frank and all those little Ohio type bastards who I had met at the Jynx Proof shop opening party. I also made friends with this girl Megan who is from Texas and is amazing!! Megan and I walked around the convention most of the time together just talking and making fun of people, it was pretty rad haha. The people we also shared our booth space were AMAZING! Contee and all the other dudes were fantastic!

I help Geoff with a few things while he was tattooing poring water and all other types of important things! We walked around the city a bit and I never realized how HUGE Chicago is and how beautiful it is, its like a large version of old city in Philly. They also apparently have been filming the new batman movies there so its pretty bad ass. We only really left the hotel and convention to forage for food haha their is this noodle chain out there thats AMAZING and has the best salad EVER. My trip was nothing short of amazing.

I love that Geoff and I both love to travel and its so wonderful we can do it together :]

Right there

HOLY FUCK You can do what you like, there'll be no reprisal
I'm yours, yes I'm yours, it's my means of survival!

School school school. This weekend made me realize my real friends, Im done being there for people who dont give a fuck.

Ive got 54321...

This weekend was my 80s prom party, I was TRASHED, maybe you were there maybe you werent I wouldnt know the difference because I was so sloshed..hahaa But I remember these people!!(thank god for photos..haha)





Amazing friend!!


Find my sister!


Nope its not Jenna...hahaha








The Dream Team




Model Mania!


Kate and Tbone...aka the best dressed people on the planet


Rape?


YES! RUTH!!


Everyones mouths open? haha




I LOVE THESE GIRLS! ...even though i only saw them for 8 seconds..hahaa


whos that dude..?




YES




ART ED!!!


ART ED..and ruth..hahah


Me and the Raq

Can you believe I didnt even get ONE photo of me and Geoff? WHAT THE FUCK!? oh well...He looked AMAZING though I was so happy he looked so good we were the best looking people ever! I was so happy with who came over and the bag of sick goodies I got from Raquel and Jimi, shes honestly such a great friend and having everyone else there was just so amazing..ugh god im so thrilled!

This week is hardcore school week. I have to cast a model, write an Art History paper, finish my relief print sculpture all before friday! When me and Geoff leave for Chicago for the convention!

And he hath the number of the beast

I did this painting for Geoffs birthdays in September but just finally got the time to make the frame. I hand sodered pentagrams and after using a drill to put on these tree branches and tied them with twin together to make them more bulky. I had to actually cut the tree branches with a saw haha..it was intense haha..

Im going to post more close up photos of the painting but its got some really killer images in it. I also put the sign of satan in the eye of the owl. The text on the banner says "Ich Bin Mein Eiegene Gott" which in German translates to " I am my own God" which is the theme of the satanic bible. Ive been teaching myself German for the past 2 months so I thought it would be sick to use. The Owl symbolizes Geoff because he loves owls and the rat is me because rats always make him think of me..and then after our first date he made me a flash sheet with a key on it so I thought id make him a lock :]

Punks not dead

Sometimes life is seriously so wicked and strange I just wonder how or why I do this to myself.

Im so drained, every part of my body feels like its on fire. Im supposed to be in class right now but Im not...

I feel like this semester is such a mess. Its sad because this is my time of revelation a time where Im supposed to be engulfing myself in my art and work and just producing and being happy. Instead Im so nervous and stressed and feel like Im failing everything. Behind and ahead at the same time? I have so much work that I need to post in here its retarded...

I did the most amazing drawing 2 weeks ago and just started to do the stencils for the silk screens and now the drawing is lost somewhere...where I have no idea otherwise it wouldnt be lost but its gone, and Im real pissed and upset about it.

Last week I got to work with Sarah again at a Pin up halloween group shoot. It was fucking insane. Probably the most disorganized thing Ive ever been apart of but needless to say I killed it haha. Some photos up on myspace, Im sure Ill get more soon too. So weird at the shoot I met this girl Hawk and instantly love her shes a fuckin ripper. Then I got the new issue of INKED and were one person apart in the casting call section! To weird right?! THEN I find our were doing an event together next month! CRAZY whered this girl come from! I love it!

INKED magazine October 08 nigga...Look out for the December 08 issue where I get a full page and have bigger hair then Pdiddys ego!!


I also have an apointment with Eli next month for more work on my rib piece, were adding a magpie with a lock in its mouth. sick.

Also next month is my birthday party which im in the process of making my dress for...minds will be BLOWN! next month also comes along with the SNAPM event where I get to work with Hawk SG and Raquel again so Im super stoked, I love those bitches. And me and Geoff head to Chicago for a tattoo convention, which Im VERY excited about, I need to get the fuck out of here for a while and forget I exist..

Yoga lately has been helping with my stress.. and Geoffs backs a mess so I think the next time he comes over Im going to show him so moves and we can do it together. It seriously helps me so much, Im sure without it Id be insane right now.